My son that I had at age 15 passed away from injuries sustained in a furnace accident.After his death I plunged into a life of drugs,alcohol and pain-pushing everyone that loved me or started to love me away. I was living in a fog slowly destroying my life.When I had my next child,Austin my life drastically improved for a while,but I was always drawn back to my loss and the pain from it.That sent me on many extreme situations around many extreme people I was a mess all the time and worked very hard at hiding that mess,but that was not an easy task.After alot of arguing and drinking one evening with my husband,a sick,weak feeling came over me-a smell I hadn't smelled since the last time I held my son that had died-the medicine they used to help hold the monitors in place-filled my head and I felt like a VERY strong wind had passed through my body.Then my mind was filled with memories of my little baby boy,the of the 2 children I had had since his death.Then I was calmed! ,serene,and totally sober(after a full day of heavy drinking.I know my sons spirit visited me that night,I know he came to take some of the pain that crippled my life so painfully. How it changed my life:I realized my sons death wasn't a thing I could change,no matter how much I tried.He will always be with me-a part of my heart and soul.My life now is serene and devoted to raising my family and loving my life.
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