Date: 3/28/2001 6:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 23991
no, you're not being selfish. you're being normal. yes, what happened to him is very sad, but you can't be responsible for how your mother feels. i mean, yes, it's incredibly horrible, but there's a time to grieve and there's a time to take some responsibility. you have every right to want to be on your own..it's your right as a 19 year old to want to go out and party and have fun. i don't see any reason why you should feel guilty, even though i do understand it.  |
Date: 3/28/2001 6:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 16619
That is very considerate of you to put your parents before yourself.Your parents must be very proud of you. is there any way your Mum could move also with you near the college & put the house your living in now on rent? I would say you need to get your education.It`s definetly a catch 22 situation.take your Mum with you I`d say, as a team you can help each other out. t2.  |
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Date: 3/28/2001 7:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 29404
Dear Freind,
Have you tried talking to your mother about your feelings? Is there a possibility of both of you moving out together, somewhere where she can have friends herself and maybe join a club. I'm thinking right about now, she is either still sad but will soon wake up from her depression, or is ready to see new places. If she refuses to leave the house, which is understandable, then she will have to understand that you are in the prime of your life, and you need to start thinking of your future. Can either of you afford to buy a home somewhere else. There are things to do, but much depends on where your mother stands now. Your mother will understand I think if you talk to her. Have you tried talking to her priest, or preacher, or even some friends of hers? Maybe they can visit her in turns while you get through college and get your life in order. Or at least a job, but I recommend the college, so you can afford the future expenses of caring for her. How old is your mother? Is there anyone that you can talk to there, that might be able to shed some light on the subject? Let me know what you think, or if there's something else I can help you with...God bless, Arenakitty |
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Date: 3/28/2001 7:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 31687
No, you are not being selfish. I am a Mom and was once in your same shoes. As soon as I became engaged to be married I found out my father was also terminally ill with cancer. I felt like you did, quilty if I left home, even if it wasn't so far away. I went ahead with my plans and got married. My father lived for 5 years longer than expected. He walked me down the isle and lived to see my daughter's first year of life. I know you hate to leave your mother but we prepare ourselves along the way. I know my daughter is close to making the decision to moving out, and even though I would like her to stay home forever I have to let her live her life just as my own parents let me do. She will adjust in time and you are only a phone call, letter or e-mail away. Don't deprive yourself of living. I bet your Mom will understand. As for myself, I'm glad my Dad was there to give me away at my wedding and to see the birth of his grandaughter. If I had waited none of this may have never happened. Hope this helps you. Love Pink Dogwood |
Date: 3/28/2001 7:23:00 PM
From Authorid: 2030
Make your move, you've done the right thing so far. Like you said you live in a small town your mom has a support group there. Now go and realize your dreams AND hers and get your education. Just the fact that you have these doubts shows the kind of character you have. All will be fine, and yes I'm a parant and also my father died when I was in my 20s so I can relate on that count also. Your Mom really does want you to do this in her heart. Be the young adult she wants you to be. Best of luck and take care.  |
Date: 3/28/2001 7:32:00 PM
From Authorid: 16671
No, your not being selfish and it wouldnt hurt to find the friends that you knew in highschool and still find something to do on the weekend. Being a mother myself, sometimes we need to be alone to think. I understand that with your father having passed away that you know that your mom needs you right now, but she may also need a little alone time to grieve in her own way. I wouldnt move away right now, but at least get out on a weekend for your own sanity.  |
Date: 3/28/2001 7:33:00 PM
From Authorid: 21137
How would you feel if you stayed where you were, and it took your mom two years to recover from the shock and meet new men. Two years after that, your mom hypothetically got remarried to a man you hated, and you started to feel unwanted there? All of your friends will of gotten degrees and be graduating and (trust me on this!) you'll probably feel like you're too old to go after your's. Would you resent your mom???? Have you looked at alternatives? Isn't there a college close enough that you could drive back and forth for at least one symester? How far away is the college you'd planned on attending? What would the possibilities be of you coming home every other weekend to be with your mom?? Is it possible, if you're willing to put off school for a while longer, for you to go visit the kids you used to hang around with at THEIR schools?  |
Date: 3/28/2001 9:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 28848
First, I'm sorry for your loss. With everything so new, maybe you should help your mom through the loss of your father for now. Try taking your mom out and spend a lot of time with her. Then when you think the time is right(when you don't feel quilty),then I would consider checking out some colleges. Best of luck. CPM  |
Date: 3/28/2001 9:55:00 PM
From Authorid: 8224
I'm so sorry to hear about the death in your family but as for being selfish, no, not one bit - believe me, it's a normal reaction and one you need to address. Sit down with your mother and tell her what's on your mind - and then ask her how she'd feel about you going away - it's something that really needs to be brought out in the open between the two. After the death of my first daughter, it wasn't but two months later when I moved my youngest out of state for college - yes, I hated to see her go, but I also knew it was time for her life to begin and how I would feel then and later in the future, was not her concern. Did it work out - yes. Did I miss her, yes everyday. Did I get lonely, no, you'd be surprised what weekly phone calls can do to keep that element out of one's life. Try talking to her - I'm sure you in for a nice and uplifting surprise. Antona  |
Date: 6/21/2001 11:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 16069
I dont think your mom will be upset, she'll be proud of you. Most parents want what will make their kids happy. Sure, she WILL miss you! Talk it over with her. Dont rush, just do one thing at a time. Take time to really think about what you want out of your life.  |
7152 Category:(Discussion) Created:(3/28/2001 6:41:00 PM)