I have read quite a few posts on this site, where many seem to be having problems with thier parents. For those of you who wonder why your parents are so mean to you, maybe this post will help.
I am a parent of two children. My oldest is a boy, age 9, and a daughter age 7. I can remember being young, having to follow the rules of my parents; not being allowed to do the things that I wanted to do, etc.
Growing older, and having children, gave me a new perspective on life. I now realise that the single greatest contribution that a person can give society, is (in my opinion), advice and/or assistance to another human being which is in need. My children do not understand this philosophy. As I was, when under my parents guidance, my children consider only themselves. Mom and Dad are the source for all that they desire. They do not comprehend budgets, obligations, or other expenses. They do not understand that I, as a Father, am here to help them accomplish whatever they desire, so long as it helps them to become a self supportive person.
A parent has to decide what is proper for a child.My son wants to go sky diving, bunjie jumping, and most recently careening over some cars like Evil Kneivel. He gets frustrated when I won't allow such activities. Likewise, my daughter (7yrs old) wants to go to a Backstreet Boys concert, wear mini-skirts to school, and dye her hair. She also does'nt understand.
If you are having trouble with your parents, you probably don't understand why they forbid certain things, like who you date, how long you stay out on the weekends, or when you can drive the car.
Parents constantly are torn between that which a child wishes to do, and that which is in the best interest of the child. The world is full of bad influences, and even some not so nice people. It is the DUTY and OBLIGATION of the parent to exercise judgement whenever they feel that thier child may be subjected to outside influences which may harm the child. This is not easy for a parent to do. I personnally want my children to have thier every dream come true, and I would like to give them the world, but I don't feel that my 9 year old son is ready to own his own 9mm pistol. Also, I don't feel that he needs to be out riding a bicycle to Detroit. My son, and you as well, have difficulty understanding why Mom and Dad are so cruel to you. The limiting of your actions are done out of love for you, as the child of your parents (although sometimes this is done to punish).
My parents always told me that they loved me, and that was why I could not do certain things. I did not really understand that then, but now, with children of my own, I fully understand. I love my children with all of my heart. It is my responsibility to instill in my children the values that I feel are correct. To help shape my child, in such a fashion as to give that child a chance to succeed in life.
I, as a parent cannot allow my child to associate with those that I feel are a bad influence on them, no matter how cool my children think that person may be. I have to set goals for my child, to help my child develope needed skills. I have to establish parameters (ie; bedtimes, TV time, punishments for certain things, etc) to not only protect my child, but also to help the child develope values.
I always tell my children, that should they have a problem with anything, to talk to me about it. Now I know that my child sees me as a mean old man, as you probably see your parents, but I have experianced virtually everything that my children will ever encounter while growing up. Your parents are there to help you. Use them for thier knowledge and advise. Your parents love you, and would not intentionally steer you wrong.
Your parents are not the monsters that you believe them to be. They are there to help you learn and grow as an individual. Ask your parents why they made a specific decision that you are not pleased with. They will tell you. If you still don't understand, ask them, "How will that help to make me a better person?" You probably will then be able to understand once they have answered that question.
Trust your parents, and talk to them about really important stuff, like sex, boyfriend/girlfriend problems, others teasing you, problems with algebra or other school subjects, etc. This does (2) things. It opens up a line of communication and trust between you and your parents, and also helps to strengthen the relationship between the two of you.
I know that obeying your parents is difficult, and that sometimes you feel like they are from another planet. Sometimes you think they are unfair to you, and maybe you even think that they hate you. My son hates me on a every other day basis, or so he says. I know that he trusts me, and I know that he really loves me, regardless of what he says.
Keep your comunication lines open with your parents. They are the ones who nursed you and comforted you when you skinned your knee. They were the ones that were there for you when you fell out of bed, or when you had a bad dream. They will be there for you now, if you will allow them to be a part of your life.
To many times, we as people think that we have all of the right answers, and that we know what is best for us. We tend to reach a point where we believe that we no longer need our parents advice or thier telling us what to do. If that is yor attitude, then you need to think about all that I have said here. Scan through the Serious Advice Category, or the Suicide/Depression Category, or even here under General Advice. Look at the amount of people who are in a position where they feel hopeless or lost. Many of these cases could be easily solved, if they would simply seek the advice of thier own parents, rather than advice from a computer screen.
Give the "Old Folks" a chance. Just because you don't want to learn how to Disco, does'nt mean that we are hopelessly lost in society. Give your parents the chance to help you through the hard times, and learn from thier advice. After all,......that's what parents are for. Good Luck, and I hope that this will be of some help to someone........ High Speed
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