There is something that has been bothering for quite some time now...I cry about it, and make myself physically sick worrying about it.
Have you ever had doubts? Have you ever questioned your faith? Well, I have...and I am having doubts right now as type this. Let me just give you a little information on myself.....I was saved at the age of seven...that day is very vivid in my mind. I read a little book....i guess they are called tracks?(sp?) I was in tears after i read it...i didn't know that God loved me so much...And as you know, in the back of these little books, it tells you how to be saved, i read it all and did what it said, and in my heart i knew i believed. I was baptized 2 weeks later in a baptist church, and starting attending regularly with my family. When I was younger, the whole christianity thing seemed so simple....all i knew was....Jesus loves me, and he died for my sins. I accepted what i heard the preacher say Sunday after Sunday, and never questioned, never even gave it a second thought...i just took it as the "truth" Looking back on it, i feel that i was taught alot hate in church, and intloerance for those who were different, and did not have the same beliefs/views as the "saved christian" had.
Now that I am older, 17 years older to be exact...i've had the chance of meeting a vast array of different ppl and hearing different views, and have most definately changed my mentality.....i try my hardest to be an open minded individual. Non Believers sometimes pose some very good questions as to why we believe the way we do, and i find myself wondering what the answers to their questions are. And I realize....I have no idea. So I start wondering, do i only believe this because I was raised in a christian family and i really had no other choice? I find myself obsessing over death, and i see that I'm actually very afraid to die, because I am not sure what will become of me. I wonder about my salvation.....will that truly get me into heaven although i feel that i am a horrible judgemental person most of the time.....even though i have asked for forgiveness, i still do not feel this is enough. I even sometimes wonder about Gods exsistence...is God really there? Or is he just some myth. I wonder why I fear God so much, when he is suppose to be love. Why would he send his own creations made in his own image to a lake of fire for eternity? Why does the Bible seem to contradict itself, was it truly inspired by him, or has it been changed so much, we're all believing in the wrong things...Why do I sometimes feel he is nowhere, and doesn't hear my prayers pleading for some guidance in THIS matter. Sometimes I feel I'm headed straight for hell, if there is one.
I know those are alot of questions, and some are so silly, but I'm serious! I don't expect an answer for all of them in your replies....I just wanted you to see that my faith seems to be a thing of the past. I question so much nowadays, and I feel nothing but guilt, pain, and despair over it. This has become a very, very serious issue for me...I am not being able to function in everyday life, and it has made me very depressed, along with some other things.
I just want to know if there is a christian out there who would be willing to talk to me one of these days....I'm wondering if there are other christians who have felt this way at one time or another, and how they overcame it. I need answers....I don't understand the Bible half of the time, it's one big enigma to me...doesn't make sense most of the time....I have a hard time putting any kind of stock in it. Or am I just in the wrong faith to begin with? I don't know, I'm really confused, and worried. I feel like there's something wrong with me....really. Somebody just help me please....Thanx for your time....
LOVE, GIA
All opinions are welcome, but i truly do need the help and advice of a sincere born again christian.
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