The Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, a blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
Suicidal Blonde
One day a blonde woman was so fed up with all of the dumb blonde jokes that she decided to kill herself. She took a rope outside and found a suitable tree. She threw the rope over a branch and proceeded to hang herself. Soon two men came along and asked, "what are you doing?". She replied, "I'm hanging myself." The two men looked at her and said, "well usually if your trying to kill yourself you put the rope around your neck." Then the Blonde said, "Duh, I tried that but I couldn't breathe."
Ice Fishing
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?" The voice replied, "No ... this is the Ice-Rink Manager...."
Horseback Riding
A blonde had a near death experience when she went horseback riding the other day. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager happened to walk by and unplug the ride.
Mailbox
A man was in his front yard mowing his grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and rushed straight to the mailbox. She opened it, looked in, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went right to the mailbox and this time opened it, looked in, felt around it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back, and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Blonde in First Class
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what to do about her. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.
God
After spying a beautiful blond walking by a man says to God, "God, why did you make blondes so beautiful?" God responded, "So you would love her." "But God", The man replied, "Why did you make her so dumb?" God replies, "So she would love you." Locked Out
Two blondes went shopping one day. They got done shopping and went out to their brand new, cherry red convertible. They got to the car and noticed that they had locked their keys in the car. So they tried to think of a way to get the keys out. After trying for an hour and a half, one blonde notices that there is a rainstorm coming and says, "You better hurry up because it is gonna rain and the top is down!"
Jigsaw Puzzle
A blonde calls up her brunette boyfriend, Steve. She dials the number. "Hello?" "Hi Steve! It's your girlfriend! I got this really wierd puzzle today. It has like a million pieces. Wanna come help me with it?" She says. "Ya, sure! What's the picture on the box look like?" he said. "Well, it's a green rooster." She replied. She waited for her boyfriend to arrive. The doorbell rang and she let him in. "So where's the puzzle?" he asked. "Oh, I'll go get it!" She runs and gets the box and opens it and dumps it out. Her boyfriend rolls his eyes and says, "Put the corn flakes back in the box!"
Bird Poop
3 girls go to the beach, a blonde, a redhead and another redhead. While they were relaxing a seagull flies over them and poops on the blonde's head! One of the redheads says, OH MY GOD!!!, let me go get some toilet paper While she was going to find a bathroom, the blonde starts laughing her head off, the redhead that was with her was looking at her in disbelief and asks, "Why are you laughing? You have bird poop on your head!" The blonde responds, "I'm suppose to be the stupid one, but by the time she gets back, the seagull will be miles away to use the toilette paper."
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