Today's Joke:
Two men were having a conversation.
A: "My ears got burnt!"
B: "How did that happen?"
A: "You see, I was ironing and the phone rang and instead of picking up the phone I picked up the iron."
B: "So how did the second one get burnt"?
A: "The person called back."
Quick Wit:
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
WOW FRESH BLOOD!!!
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
TALK ABOUT SLOW!!!
There was once a snail that was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
Quick Wit:
Why is the man who invests all your money called a "broker"?
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
THIS TEACHER IS REALLY TOUGH!!!
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  17884 ( Click here )
Spring is coming |
