Date: 10/7/2001 10:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 44404
a very beautiful picture is painted here and you have an obvious talent for description. I will make a suggestion though. In writing we are communicating with the written word and we play and toy with the rules often times to get a point across. I say this because of a few misspellings that really detract from the beautiful image you have set-up. words like "rideing" (riding) and "tounge" (tongue). I don't want to embaress you at all because I am a lousy speller too (see that speller isn't even a word!) but I make an effort to keep everything as I want it presented to a reader who will not have the benefit of my explainations. For instance, in the one stanza you say, "I see a creak ahead." do you mean "creak" the noise or "creek" the little stream of water. little things like that can throw a reader off because as writers, we like to mess with people intentionally and throw stuff in for a reason that intentionally makes them second guess the poems meaning. when you do it unintentionally by misspelling somethings accidentilly (see there I go again) it's like throwing a big ol' wrench in the gears of a clock. I hope you do not take offence, I mean I don't know anything about you or anything, I just would like to help out. I am not trying to discourage you from writing again by any means, actually it would be a crime if you stopped because you're good at it. I just want to help you along the right/ write path. Overall, good stuff.- c  |
