A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar. He looks the bartender right in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink for the talking dog?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Alright. The toilet's right around the corner."
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Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.
My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.
I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"
With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
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A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
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