An alien ship landed in the middle of a town where two individuals were drinking some clandestine whisky. Two aliens from the ship approached them and said: "You earthlings and your technology are way back in the past, we put one liter of fuel on our ship and we can go around the universe several times". One of the earthlings began to laugh and says to his fellow moonshine drinker, "These guys think they are better than us. Just to let you know, my fellow Martians, we drink one liter of this moonshine and the universe goes around us several times!"
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A wife asks her husband, "How come you're not playing golf with Joe anymore?" "Would you play golf with a guy who moves his ball to a better position when you're not watching? Would you play golf with a guy that "forgets" to count some of his strokes," the husband exclaims! The wife replies, "No, I guess I wouldn't!" "Neither will Joe."
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Small Children Trying to dress an active little one is like trying to thread a sewing machine while it's running. There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and their mother's age.
Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights.
An alarm clock is a device for waking people up who don't have small kids.
Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results!
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
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One-Liners
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS But it uses up a thousand times the memory
The Meek shall inherit the earth.. ...after we're through with it.
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