Can You Squeeze Out A Drop? The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice
"I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man...
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
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Proverbs for the Year 2000 1. Home is where you hang your @. 2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 4. You can't teach an old mouse new clicks. 5. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 6. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice. 7. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish. 8. Too many clicks spoil the browse. 9. The geek shall inherit the earth. 10. There's no place like http://www.home.com 11. Don't byte off more than you can view. 12. Fax is stranger than fiction. 13. What boots up must come down. 14. Windows will never cease. 15. Virtual reality is its own reward. 16. Modulation in all things. 17. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks
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A True Pessimist --He looks for a coffin whenever he smells flowers. --He believes life is a car wash and he's riding a bike. --He looks at the land of milk and honey and sees nothing but cholesterol and calories. --He stays up on New Year's Eve to make sure the old year leaves. --He looks both ways before crossing a one-way street!
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Pregnancy FAQ Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving? A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.
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