thoughts for the day:
Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of waist change places.
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Another thought:
Opportunities always look bigger comming than going..
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one more thought:
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
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The traffic light wasn't working at the corner, so a lady stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic.
Finally, the cop blew his whistle and stopped the eastbound traffic, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!"
The crowd surged across the intersection -- all except the lady, who stayed on the corner. When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars westbound traffic, and sent the eastbound traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the lady's corner; where by this time a crowd of people had again joined her. Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd crossed the street, but again the lady stayed put.
She looked at her watch and tapped her foot as if she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but never budged from the sidewalk. The cop ran the traffic through seven more cycles, each time blowing his whistle and then yelling "Okay, pedestrians!" the Lady never moved.
Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the eighth time, the woman shouted across traffic,
"Hey! Officer! Isn't it about time you let us Pentecostals cross?"
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Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his parish on a spring afternoon when all of a sudden he got a flat tire. Exasperated, the priest stopped his car, got out, and assessed the damage. Luckily a four-wheel- drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop behind the crippled vehicle. The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful hunk of a man. "Good afternoon, Father," greeted the stranger. "Can I give you a hand?" "Heaven be praised," rejoiced the priest. "As you can see, my son, I have a flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before." "Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it." And without skipping a beat, the bruiser picked up the front of the car with one hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with the other. "Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?" "Why, ahh, yes, of course, my son," stuttered the amazed Father Harris. The priest rolled the spare around to the strong- man who casually lifted it up with his free hand, maneuvered it into place, and proceeded to tighten the lug nuts. "Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried. "That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a nun'." "Hmmmm..." mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench."
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A friend of mine told me about this new Husband Shopping Centre where a woman could go to choose from among many men for her husband.
It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors.
The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.
So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find a man as a prospective husband. First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better than not having jobs or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up".
So up they go.
Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.
"Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!
And up they go.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!
So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please."
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