Ur Mama is soo stupid..........
she orders a cheese burger from 'McDonalds' and says "hold the cheese"!
she studied for a blood test and failed!
she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
she took lessons for a player piano.
she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
she spent 30 minutes lookin' at an orange juice box because it said 'concentrate'!
at the bottom of an application where it says 'Sign Here' - she put Sagittarius!
if you gave her a penny for her thoughts you'd get change
she asked me, "What's the number for 911?"!
she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged!
she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept!
she sold the car for gas money!
she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!
she tried to drown herself in a carpool!
she tried to steal a free sample!
she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!" !
when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved!
when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K."!
when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home!
when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead!
when I told her to "Take the trash out," she moved!
you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen!
when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon!
when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends!
she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses!
they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade!
when I said we were playing craps she went and got toilet paper!
she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project!
she thought Thailand was a men's clothing store!
she thought the board of education was a piece of wood!
she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest!
she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
she asked me, "what's that letter after X" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know"!
she ordered her sushi well done!
she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"!
if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless!
it takes her an hour to cook minute rice!
she got hit by a parked car!
she sold the house to pay the mortgage!
she tried to drown a fish!
she tripped over a cordless phone!
when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around!
she'd have to be twice as smart to become a half-wit!
when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."!
when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones!
when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey
Boss, all the small one's are gone."!
she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album!
she thought asphalt was a skin disease!
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it!
she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum!
she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses!
if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose!
I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, I asked what she
was doing, and she said sending a voice mail!
she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed!
she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu!
she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with!
she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center!
she asked for a price check at the dollar store!
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff!
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's!
that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."!
she put a peephole in a glass door!
she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death!
she thought a quarterback was a refund!
she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut!
when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino!
she thought she could get food stamps at the post office!
she tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff!
she tried to mail a letter with food stamps!
I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod!
it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
she thought hamburger helper came with another person!
I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it!
she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company!
she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box!
she called the 7-11 to see when they closed!
when we drove past the YMCA she said "Hey look, they spelled macy's wrong!"
she jumped off a building in attempt to fly because she thought her maxi pad had wings!
the worst six years of her life were grade three!
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