A.S.A.P. ~
There's work to do, deadlines to meet, You've got no time to spare, But as you hurry and scurry along, Always Say A Prayer.
In the midst of family chaos, Quality time is rare... Do your best and let God do the rest, Always Say A Prayer!
It may seem that your worries Are more than you can bear... Slow down and take a breather, Always Say A Prayer!
God knows how stressful life is, He wants to ease our cares, And He'll respond A.S.A.P. -
ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER!
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I Can Give You...
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I can't give you solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears; But I can listen to you and together we will search for answers.
I can't change your past with all its heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care.
I can't keep your feet from stumbling; I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.
Your joys, triumphs, success, and happiness are not mine; Yet I can share in your laughter.
Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.
I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me. I can only pray for you, talk to you, and wait for you.
I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you; But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.
I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting; But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.
I can't tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
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MEMORANDUM
TO: Jesus, Messiah's Woodcrafters Shop, Nazareth FROM: Jordan Management Consultants, Jerusalem SUBJECT: Staff Aptitude Test.
DATE: March 29, 30 A.D.
Thank you for submitting the resumes of the 12 men you picked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests, and we have not only run the results through our computer but also have arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational consultant.
It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept. We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven capability.
Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper.
Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership.
The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty.
Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale.
We feel that it is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau.
James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic depressive scale.
One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious and innovative. We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right hand man.
All other profiles are self-explanatory.
We wish you every success in your new venture.
Sincerely, Jordan Management Consultants
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This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia. His Aussie neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he was, decided to make him feel welcome. He went next door to wish him welcome.
He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Chinese man When he looked through his window, he saw the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be a Chinese custom" he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff.
The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Chinese man. At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt. He became angry and went up to the Chinese man. "I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Chinese customs!" He yelled in the Chinese man's face. The Chinese man looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually Australian customs. I was told, to become an Australian, you have to chase chicks, get pee drunk, and listen to bullcrap."
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The night before my bypass surgery, the doctor wanted me to take a shower; which was fine with me, after three days of using a basin and washcloth.
As I walked down the hall, I had a Nurse on either side. The one asked, "Are you going to be able to manage OK?"
I said, "I feel weak and dizzy. Perhaps both of you would be kind enough to get in the shower with me."
The little blonde Nurse looked up and said, "Nice try."
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