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Date: 8/23/2002 11:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 61834
i think they should be taken to funeral. Death is a part of life and the younger you are the better chance you have to appreciate life. You life can end at any minute, lets make the kids aware of this. RacerX |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:03:00 AM
From Authorid: 53052
i think they should... i don't think they should go looking at the dead body on the coffin... but it will give them understanding when they know a family member or somone they know has passed and they place them in the ground...  |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:03:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
Good point, RacerX. I think what's going to traumatize one kid won't necessarilly traumatize another. Kids don't all handle things in the same way.  |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:09:00 AM
From Authorid: 35114
Well I don't think you should take kids to A LOT of funerals. But I think you should take them to any funeral of a person they were close to. Just be sure to sit down and talk with them about it, make sure they understand the concept. Maybe buy them a small pet like a fish or a mouse to teach them about life a little better. I know I went to one or two funerals as a kid and it never harmed me (yeah like I'M a good example LOL). Anyway, I think that as small children, if they spend a lot of time at funerals, it may make them a little depressed. But kids are resiliant.  |
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Date: 8/24/2002 12:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 35114
Good point Amrak. Maybe the parents should see how they handle major life changes first. |
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Date: 8/24/2002 12:29:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
I haven't been to a funeral in many years. The closest thing would be in 1985 when I went to the "visitation" for my uncle who I was rather close to. I appreciated not having to put up with the organ music, the sermon, the flowers etc. It was just a thing where relatives and friends would just drop by and go into the viewing room and stand around, and come and go as they pleased. I stood by the open casket for along time, while one of his daughters stroked his hair. Then we all went to Dennys for lunch. |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:32:00 AM
From Authorid: 14464
I think that the parent should decide on wether they want there children going or not.  |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 277
The first wake/funeral I went to was my Grandpa's when I was about 4 years old. All I remember is wearing a dress and white gloves and having to sit with my cousins all day long. My mother told me I kept asking her when Grandpa was going to wake up. It was very upsetting for her, because I did not understand he was dead. After that I had been to many. I grew up in an Irish Catholic family and wakes and funerals are pretty much family reunions. Everyone goes even babies. I never had a problem with going as a kid, but I never really wanted to go either. WHen I was 11 I attended the wake of a next door neighbor who I was very close too. Everyone called her Grandma and I beat myself up for years because I didn't cry at the wake. I don't think kids should have to go until they are old enough to understand what death is and are taught that everyones emotions are expressed differently. Let's face it, no one ever wants to go to a funeral, but kids should not be expected to.  |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 22080
first time i went to a funeral was my grandma and my aunt had a fit towards my father because i was only seven but ya know what i had more respect for that woman than you could believe and at 7 i knew what i needed to know and knew respect it didnt traumatize me at all cause that year i had my grandmother goto the hospital then she was out then she died then my other grand mother had a double brain anyurism(sp?) then my grandfather died then a year later my uncle died i basically have a different outlook on life than most people i.e. dont take life so serious you wont come out alive and the last funeral i went to was my uncle on my dads side (his oldest brother) and it was like i didnt realise it until i walked in and he was there in the coffin and it didnt look like him he fought cancer for like 8 years and he looked like a mummy it was bad but i had to stay together for my cousins because alot of them look up to me and i basically had this mindset that i knew his torture was over so why cry but it was hard cause that was like my second grandfather so yeah i dont think theres a problem with kids going to funerals its just what you teach them and how you teach them to respect the dead  |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 21867
Yo AMRAK,
I would be tempted to say that often it comes down to the 'culture' in which you are brought up in. It is natural in my culture for people of all ages to attend funerals...which often go on for 3 days or more...its a full, complete and inclusive process and gathering of the family and tribe...death is not seen as a bad thing, or something that is to never be seen or spoken of, rather it is embraced just as much as any other event in ones life. I would say that this way of exposure to death, surrounded and supported by family and friends over a few days helps remove any of the 'scariness' around it...for funerals in my culture are seen as times of great love, supported grief, even laughter and happiness through connection with family. Peace,  |
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Date: 8/24/2002 12:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 22080
and hawk is right the funerals my family has is like family reunions but my family puts the funk in dysfunctional especially when im ready to lay one of my cousins out in the middle of a funeral for saying my other cousin was a wuss for crying obviously some people have no hearts tho |
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Date: 8/24/2002 12:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 22080
oh and 1 more thing coming from an italian/irish family the food is great and theres alot of it but thats a bad thing to point out about funerals |
Date: 8/24/2002 1:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 30229
I think that if the child is very close to the person who has died, then they too should be allowed to say goodbye to them, otherwise, in thier little minds it is just a "rumor"... I took my kids to my Mom's funeral and Amanda was only 10, but I felt like she had just as much right to say her goodbyes as the rest of us because she loved her so much..  |
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Date: 8/24/2002 1:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 21867
Yo Jestr, Thats a GREAT thing to point out about funerals. My culture is the same...funerals are a time of feasting as well...great food and heaps of it. |
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Date: 8/24/2002 1:23:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
Thanks for the interesting and insightful replies. As for me, I have told my mother that if I preceed her in death, that I don't want a funeral; not even a visitation. Just get me in the ground quick, cause I don't even want to be embalmed. If my wishes are not honored I'm gonna come back & haunt someone. Hehe! |
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Date: 8/24/2002 1:25:00 AM
From Authorid: 30229
I hear ya on the 'not' having a funeral ... I agree, I told my kids to just cremate me.. cost thousands of dollars less and if I am dead, I wont know the difference, lol... I do NOT want a funeral either, I want them to sit in my living room and tell all the good stuff about me, and laugh, :) |
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Date: 8/24/2002 1:30:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
I admire the way many non-western cultures celebrate the life of the deceased more than their deaths. I've never been to a wake, I think the food would cheer everybody up. I hear that liquor is often served. That would sure cheer me up! |
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Date: 8/24/2002 1:36:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
Hi, Gail. Cremation has it's good points. People can keep you on a shelf at home, or divide you up among different members of your family, or scatter your ashes over your favorite place or places. Personally I want to rot in a box. I've got a burial site reserved at a cemetery along with reserved plots for my mother and dad. There is a fourth site reserved for my wife. Well, since I've been divorced twice, I'd better get busy and find a new spouse to fill the fourth grave. LOL |
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Date: 8/24/2002 1:49:00 AM
From Authorid: 22080
heh i wanna be cremated and have my ashes in some way made into a guitar muahaha ok thats far fetched but i wanna be cremated i dont see a point in slowly turning to dust id rather just be dust with all my good calories burned out lol |
Date: 8/24/2002 4:17:00 AM
From Authorid: 35720
I faintly remember my first funeral. It was my great great grammy. I was only about 4 years old. But it hasn't really traumatized me at all. I think even small children deserve to be there to say goodbye to the deceased too!  |
Date: 8/24/2002 7:09:00 AM
From Authorid: 56293
I think little kids should go to funerals. It will prepare the for when they are older. I went to my first one when I was 16 and I was soo terrifed! - SocialSlacker0 - SS  |
Date: 8/24/2002 7:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 51635
It depends on who the person who died was to the child ... a close loved one, definately ... an aquaintence of the parents, probably not ... the child needs closure just like anybody else ... I don't think parents should let the subject of death wait much past 5, people die all the time and the child should know just how absolute death is ... the subject shouldn't wait untill someone the child knows dies ... IMZP  |
Date: 8/24/2002 8:06:00 AM
From Authorid: 38474
I think it depends on the childs age. I was 4 or 5 when I went to my first funeral. I wish I hadn't gone. It was the funeral of my mother's best friends little boy. We were the same age. He was my favorite playmate. He was hit by a car and killed. I can still Willie to this day see him in that light blue coffin, in his baby blue suit with his teddy bear. I should have NEVER went to that showing. It caused many nightmares, I can understand going to the actual funeral itself but not the showing. That is the part that caused me nightmares. I don't do funerals well to this day.......  |
Date: 8/24/2002 8:17:00 AM
From Authorid: 33517
Last year, both my hubby's grandparents died...His grandmother went first and we found a babysitter for our son...He was 3 years old then...He had a lot of questions...And we didn't know exactly how to answer them...And he really didn't know what we were saying when we told him that Nan went to heaven And when we went to visit Pop..he would look for Nan...Well, four months after Nan died...Pop followed and we decided that this time we would take him into the funeral home to see Pop. (we didn't take him to the funeral ceremony)...And then we explained to him that it was just Pop's body and that his "heart" (didn't want to get into the whole soul thing where he is so young) was already in heaven with God and Nan...And he seemed to understand...A few days after the funeral we took him out to the cemetary to see where Nan and Pop's bodies were burried and explain a few more things to him....Well, it is a year later and Bradley knows that Nan and Pop are in heaven..And Joey's mom moved into Nan and Pop's home and he don't ask where they are...cause he knows....Well, my point is...some kids need to know what is going on...My son was very very close to his Great Grandparents, we were in there all the time to visit...So, I think it is really good for children to know a little about what is going on...Bradley knows more than some because he would ask questions and I didn't want to lie to him...I always believe the truth is better....Hope this made some sense...sorry it is long...**Big Canadian Hugs**  |
Date: 8/24/2002 9:01:00 AM
From Authorid: 8184
I think they should. They're bound to learn about death sooner or later.  |
Date: 8/24/2002 12:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 24732
I went to a funeral when I was 3, when I was 6, and when I was 17, I don't think it ever tramatized me. I would have went to another one when I was 9, but for some reason I just went to school that day?  |
Date: 8/24/2002 1:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 27046
Well I have mixed emotions about this. I am totally and completely upset with my father because he does not want a wake at all. He does not want people gawking at his body so he says. And he wants to be cremated which I have no problem with. But I do have a problem with not having a wake. For a lot of people that is their source of closure, I NEED that closure to mourn and go on. My kids are 3 and 5 and they would go to the wake and funeral of my grandparents, parents, and a few of my aunts that they are extremely close to. Distant relatives they would not go. I know how it feels to be a young child on the flip side. My greatgrandmother died when I was about 8 or 9. My cousins and I were forced to stay next door at my house while all the adults grieved next door at my grandmother's house. None of us were permitted to go to her wake or funeral. We always gathered in my grandparents home every Sunday evening for "lunch". There would be 12 of us kids and my grandmother's 4 children and spouses. Out of all the people that gathered in this one house every Sunday my great grandmother always used to pick me out of the crowd to get her a napkin, a glass of water, fix her plate and I was just a small child. One afternoon my cousin who was just infant then was the center of attention for the other kids. I was sitting on the other side of the room nowhere near the baby and she turned to me and said go outside and stop mauling that baby. I was mad and being a little kid when I got outside I said Grandmother Anderson is a jerk, which was overheard by one of my other cousins. Later when I went back in the house my grandmother said to me, so I am a jerk am I. She died a few weeks later and never got to apologize to her. I never got that chance for closure to to be at her wake and her funeral, apologize and say my goodbyes. That has haunted me for years. I would have rather gone then not have gone at all.  |
Date: 8/24/2002 2:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 54830
I dont! I went when i was 12, and i was traumatized! It was the scariest thing in the world for me..  |
Date: 8/24/2002 2:31:00 PM
From Authorid: 30051
Great post! I agree with you..I know I wouldn't bring my kids to a funeral..Unless maybe it was Dad or uncle or something..Scary thought though..:(  |
Date: 8/24/2002 3:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 54987
I was traumatised when I was forced to kiss my mother's dead body. It was as hard as rock and I thought she was gonna open her eyes and stare at me and say, "What the hell do you think you're doin!". It was right for me to attend her funeral, but to kiss her dead body was like a horror movie. But then we were taught, like all Christians, that death is a fearful thing. I think it could be a better experience. Coolade  |
Date: 8/24/2002 4:11:00 PM
From Authorid: 46800
My husband has experiance on this also. he was aloud to go to his fathers wake. But not the funeral. He has said for yrs how he did not get to go and how he wanted to go. He was 4 yrs old when his father died. But he also understands children need good memories, happy ones, not sad ones. My kids have never been to a funeral those days will end soon because both of our parents are getting up there.  |
Date: 8/24/2002 9:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 51070
Kids should learn early. The less ignorant people in the world, the better it will all be, no? I learned about death at a very early age and kids these days are too soft; they really need to learn the basic facts about life. That's how I was brought up - call me corrupt, but it's true.  |
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Date: 8/25/2002 2:08:00 PM
From Authorid: 30229
ROFLMAO TC!!! Now that would make a great proposal!!! "Would you marry me and lay beside me in our reserved plots??" hehe.. you are funny :) |
Date: 8/26/2002 9:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 38119
I don't know. I guess it depends on the maturity level of the child. I went to a wake where children were present and their parents just let them run wild. They were playing with their toys on top of the coffin. I thought that was really inappropriate of the parents.  |
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Date: 8/26/2002 7:54:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
Blue Hue, I hope that the coffin lid was closed; I'd hate to have to retrieve the toys by reaching inside with the dead person. |
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Date: 8/26/2002 7:55:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
Gail, I'll make no bones about it....will you marry me? Free grave site as bonus. How's that? |
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Date: 9/7/2002 8:26:00 PM
From Authorid: 38119
Nope, the coffin lid was open. |
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Date: 9/8/2002 11:31:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
yIPES! |
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Date: 12/26/2002 9:52:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 177
Going by the title I gave this post, It looks like I am asking if kids should be taken to funerals by Amrak (me). I don't go to funerals...with or without kids. |
