GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap
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Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable definiency of the modern world, real or imaginary.
We know we take responsiblity for all we have done and do not blame others.
BUT, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior citizens who took:
The melody out of the music, The pride out of appearance, The romance out of love, The commitment out of marriage, The responsibility out of parenthood, The togetherness out of the family, The learning out of education, The service out of patriotism, The religion out of schools, The Golden Rule from rulers, The nativity scene out of cities, The civility out of behavior, The refinement out of language, The prudence out of spending, The ambition out of achievement,
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others !!!
Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?
Just look at the Seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention with their hand over their hearts!
Remember ... .inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened !
YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!
I'm the life of the part y... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me get up.
I'm smling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over....
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for....long term care, eye care,private care, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials,Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, Barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can't remember.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......
I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts ... I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
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Yesterday's tears build a river, Washing the soul of its pain, Cleansing the heart and mind Like a gentle sweet spring rain.
When you feel you have cried your river And your throat aches from tears shed And your mind is exhausted from feeling Or your heart feels as if it is dead...
Raise your eyes to the skies and recall How lovely a full moon can be. See the stars shining gently on all, And remember how good friends can be.
Call that friend who you know is there, Waiting to help you through pain, The one who does not judge, but listens, So that you may soon love again!
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Living In Southern California
You make over $250,000 a year and still can't afford a house. It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
Your child's third grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
You've been to a baby shower for an infant who has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
Over 85% of the cities, towns, and streets start with San, Los, El, La, Santa, De La, or De Los.
Two overcast days in a row drive you mad.
A family of four owns six vehicles.
Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over almost as soon as you realize what's happening.
Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.
And finally, a question: Q. How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None. Californians cannot afford to turn on the lights.
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A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch, and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside.
The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger out of his hand and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.
When he was gone, other motorcyclists snickered to one another and congratulated each other on being so "bad". As the cashier walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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