Every one was gathered for Thanksgiving - a family reunion. The very wealthy man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters - as well as their spouses. "Not a single grandchild! Why? I'll give a million dollars to the first person who presents me with a little one. "Now, may we say the blessing for our food." He bowed his head and prayed. When the man lifted his head, his wife was the only other one at the table. ================
Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." "In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?" ===================
Famed fictional detective Sherlock Holmes and his gruff assistant Doctor Watson pitch their tent while on a camping expedition, but in the middle of the night Holmes nudges Watson awake and questions him. HOLMES: Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you deduce. WATSON: I see millions of stars, and if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it is quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life. HOLMES: Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent.
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Father: "I'm worried about your being at the bottom of the class." Son: "Don't worry, Dad, they teach the same stuff at both ends." ===========
Father visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. Goes up & down the aisles with his son, at the local Food Store. Dad: "Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??" Son: "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange juice." A few minutes later, in a different aisle Dad: "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?" Son: "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different aisle Dad: "Und give a look here!! Baby Powder !! Vat a country, vat a country!" ===================
"Five more terrorists have been arrested by the Louisiana State Police. The five terrorists now in custody are: Bin Drinkin, Bin Lyin, Bin Stealin, Bin Smokin, and Bin Workin. It is reported that the state police are hot on the trail of a sixth terrorist by the name of BinDare Dundat." ================
For months I have been Valerie's devoted admirer. Now, at long last, I had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions. "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," I began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being...a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute property; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows..." To my delight I saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then Valerie nodded in agreement. She replied," I think its a great idea... I would love to help you choose your pet dog."
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