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I FEEL EMPTY-------KURTVEDDER

  Author:  45630  Category:(Discussion) Created:(9/24/2002 6:39:00 PM)
This post has been Viewed (329 times)

I'm empty. I feel emotionally drained. I am not kurtvedder as you know him, just a shell of my former self. Events in my life have created an endless void in my black holed heart. The stench of the end is potent around my pudgy exterior and my brain lacks the intensity to show conviction. My jokes fall on hollow ears as I hear them they fall out into my shallow exterior and I can not laugh. I am an actor true. I sit and pretend to be happy, laughing at the worlds little jokes, making the appropriate gestures at the right time, but never meaning it. I wish I could just punch a time-clock and clock off from life for the day. I have lost the will and drive to succeed that once burned inside me like the olympic flame. I cry out but only the darkest silence hears me, smothering my screams in a blanket of solitude. I am spiralling out of control.

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Spring is coming
Replies:      
Date: 9/24/2002 6:44:00 PM  From Authorid: 59286    Very well written, I dont know what else to say. Regina  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:44:00 PM  From Authorid: 33409    thanx for repling to my post I guess we feel pretty much the same huh *hugs*...tons of luv  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:44:00 PM  From Authorid: 19927    i think kurt needs a hug!  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:47:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 45630    Thanks guys. I am really down at the moment.  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:48:00 PM  From Authorid: 47699    Go ahead and take the day off. Maybe you just need a little break from everything. Message me anytime you want or need to talk.  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:48:00 PM  From Authorid: 56369    Kurt, we all get like this sometimes, and we all get through it. Just takes time and understanding. Things wil get better, go have a platypus shake and soon you'll be feeling better :P (Dont forget your vitamins too :P) Things may seem to be out of hand in life, but at least on USM you have a place. And More then enough people that admire you for your witty sense of humour. USM for me, wouldnt be the same without it.  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:50:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 45630    Thanks guys. I don't know what's happening. I'm just totally not happy.  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:53:00 PM  From Authorid: 56369    well wait till the end of this week till the lions go back to back, then you'll find your happyness again. GO YOU LIONS!!  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:54:00 PM  From Authorid: 59286    Hugs and Kisses to you. Regina  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:55:00 PM  From Authorid: 57452    Why aren't you happy?  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:57:00 PM  From Authorid: 52866    Aw, El Presidente of the Platypus Shake Brigade! *hugs* Krut don't let stuff getcha down, you don't deserve any pain  
Date: 9/24/2002 6:58:00 PM  From Authorid: 34487    Key sweetie... don't look at only the bad. You're forgetting what a nice, funny and talented individual you are. The world would be less without your presence, not more. I too, suffer from depression sometimes. I often have to remind myself of how much I have rather then how much I don't. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.   
Date: 9/24/2002 6:58:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 45630    There are some things that I am sworn to secrecy about. But needless to say that only two people know and I can't cope at the moment.  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:02:00 PM  From Authorid: 56369    You choose, couldnt have said it any better. Kurt, in my eyes, you are one of this Sites greatest people. I cant even begin to imagine what a great guy you would be like in the RW. people who know you there are surely blessed. Dont you ever forget that!! And your probibly thinking why the heck am I still hanging around this post.. its cos I care! Your an awesome person. Its just a pitty your feeling like this atm. cheer up :P  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:03:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 45630    Thank you Honey Soul. Your words touch me.  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:07:00 PM  From Authorid: 34487    Thanks HoneySoul... Sorry about the typos though Kurt! I meant to say... "HEY" not Key. Back to the subject though. HoneySoul and everyone here obviously cares for you. I barely know you but have noticed on posts how nice you are to others.  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:12:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 45630    Thanks you choose. I just have some things in my life that are causing me to think seriously about myself and I'm sorry that I can't share them because as I said before I'm sworn to secrecy and I don't wish to abuse that.  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:27:00 PM  From Authorid: 56369    Kurt, your only human. Dont expect to be able to conform each word that comes out your mouth so that it doesnt hurt others. Everyone has regrets. Its aoart of life. And your bond to have a good handfull yet to come. But dont let the past eat away at you, nor your future. Cos thats why its called the past, its history. But its also who we are. So just learn from it. And remember actions speak louder then words  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:37:00 PM  ( From Author ) From Authorid: 45630    Yeah thanks. I'm just thinking at the moment. I should be doing an essay butI think I'll do it tomorrow. I'm not in the right frame of mind to do it today.  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:39:00 PM  From Authorid: 57232    Hey thank you so much for posting this and saying this, I've been under the cloud a bit lately too, I don't know what's making me so sour. I don't know how to word it. I think I'm mint chocolate chip surrounded by vanilla and it's getting to me. I'm slowing getting out of my little fun, crap, read my last post! But hey maybe we'll get over whatever is wrong with us. B.Monkey13  
Date: 9/24/2002 7:43:00 PM  From Authorid: 53836    *HUGS* I know where you are, it's a crummy place, but with steady footing, you will march right out of the doom and gloom! Much Love, ~SpaceCase  
Date: 9/24/2002 8:11:00 PM  From Authorid: 54987    Kurtvedder... that was great! If depression makes you write like that then give me a depressant! Wow Man! Have you ever thought of becoming a screen writer? You've got talent. I thought it would make me feel bad, but hey... it made me feel good. Thanks for that. - coolade  
Date: 9/24/2002 8:17:00 PM  From Authorid: 58976    ya alrite man? i didnt understand most of that but i get the gist of it =MM=  
Date: 9/24/2002 8:21:00 PM  From Authorid: 42568    This should be posted in poetry goat boy. Such detail and emotion......."hollow ears" I feel like many people have hollow ears, and just pretend to listen. "I cry out but only the darkest silence hears me," which is how i feel now. Most of the time that I'm not depressed, I miss it. It's just a part of me. Maybe just because I made it a part of me. I know how you feel. A lot of us do. I'm here for you  
Date: 9/25/2002 12:16:00 AM  From Authorid: 3321    Hey Kurt, if I could offer you a big hug, I would...but you're kind of an ocean away, so here's a virtual one *hug* I can't tell you how many times I've felt like this...its just...I know how you feel and there's nothing to make you feel "full" again...I don't know what to tell you or how to cheer you up, other than to say that most people feel this way, and they spring back. Although that won't stop it from happening again, which it might, but there is always something that will come along to make life better for a while.  
Date: 9/25/2002 12:55:00 AM  From Authorid: 20559    Kurt.... I hate it when you talk about this because you are one of the few people in this life whom I love totally and respect and look up to.... you are a wonderufl, smart intelligent, beautiful person who deserves everything good in this world.... I love you so much *hugz* don't give into these kinds of thoughts .... you have a lot going for you right now and are a truly talented person.  
Date: 9/25/2002 9:32:00 AM  From Authorid: 48873    wow  

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