Date: 11/4/2002 9:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 58975
Luv Bug your pretty good!!!  |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thank you Lolliepop Angel!!  |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 53339
Cool it lets you paint a picture in your mind and imagine the scenery.  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:05:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
That's what I was going for, Baby Cry! Thanks!! |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 25390
It definately caught my attention!  |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 40543
I like it, you use more adjectives than i ever could in a sentence so it makes it nice and descriptive ( you can tell i cant write stories :P )  |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 21435
Roll with it, Luv*Bug. Great beginnings. Please to post the completed story for us to savour...(smile)...Write on....  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:06:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks Cain! And I'm sure you can write way better! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:06:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Hehe cool Oddie, thanks! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:07:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thank you soo much Kronk!! |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 26452
I think it sounds great so far:) I like the way you write.  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:09:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thank you so much Melissa!! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 53339
Some suggestions.... You could also help people imagine themselves being there by also desdribing the cool air and maybe there id a breeze of heavy winds. Maybe the sound od leaves rustling or the crunching sound they make when you step on them. The smell of burning leaves Or something.(If people were doing that... I guess I am trying to say the smell of fall) |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 48877
I'm not just saying this because I'm being nice or because you're my USM daughter. I'm being absolutely honest. Your start is absolutely wonderful! I couldn't have done any better myself. The punctuation and capitalization is all correct and your wording is nothing short of artistic and inspired. Now, write that story! :)  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 48877
That's so strange! I wrote to you from my account but my bride's tag came up. I wonder if it will do that this time. |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:14:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thank you so much Bride! And f you're not Bride...cause I know that y'all prolly share a computer so the accounts get messed up, thank you soo much Dad!! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:16:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
OOOOH excellent ideas, BabyCry!! Thanks!! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
It's probably cause you share the computer...it's happened before, right? hehe it's no biggie |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 48877
This is so weird! I'm in my account right now and I have been but everytime I reply to this post, my bride's tag comes up. I don't think she's even been on here today! Stargrandma must be mad at me or something. LOL! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:19:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
LOL @ Stargrandma! YEP! |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 16845
too many and's but other than that I like! :)  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:20:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Lol Becky..."reds and oranges and yellows"...lol thanks!! |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:23:00 PM
From Authorid: 20956
sounds great LuvBug .... the only thing i would change would be to remove the 'and' between reds and oranges ... reads better like this: "...Warm-colored, brittle leaves cascaded to the ground, blanketing the cold sidewalks with reds, oranges and yellows deeper than the sun..." Goodluck :)  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:23:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks so much Sun Angel!! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:24:00 PM ( Admin-MG )
Luv bug, I think it's a very good start! |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:25:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks Moonie!! |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 49498
I think It was a great start. Personally, I would leave it the way it is-descriptive enough to get the picture, but not so descriptive that the reader gets bored from the run on.  |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:38:00 PM
From Authorid: 56410
Beautiful!! I'd like to see the rest of it, sis!  |
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Date: 11/4/2002 9:40:00 PM
From Authorid: 53339
Well Luv Bug what do you want the reader to see or imagine. I know that when I envisioned it there was no sound. So maybe if you want the reader to feel they are there is to give then the decription of noises and smells. Just my opinion though. It is really up to the author and what they want to get across. |
Date: 11/4/2002 9:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 50193
I love how descriptive it was (expecially the second sentence). Sometimes, I try to hard to be descriptive and it ends up not flowing right. You, obviously, did not have that problem.  |
Date: 11/4/2002 10:03:00 PM
From Authorid: 55970
Oooooooooh, that's soooo pwetty sis! I love it! ~Tara~  |
Date: 11/4/2002 10:46:00 PM
From Authorid: 16671
Hey I think its great!  |
Date: 11/5/2002 5:56:00 AM
From Authorid: 38278
It sounds like you're combining a story with poetry. It's nice. It's good. Keep it going.  |
Date: 11/5/2002 6:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 54968
Wow! That's a really good start! :)  |
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Date: 11/5/2002 6:18:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks for your input, Bren! |
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Date: 11/5/2002 6:18:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thank you so much AV sis! |
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Date: 11/5/2002 6:20:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thank you Uncle VG! |
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Date: 11/5/2002 6:20:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
BabyCry, this was just the first two sentences...the sentences that usually capture a reader's interest. I still have a LOT to write lol. Thanks so much for your ideas! |
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Date: 11/5/2002 6:20:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks so much Uncle Flame! |
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Date: 11/5/2002 6:20:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks Sporti! |
Date: 11/7/2002 8:12:00 AM
From Authorid: 54441
This is really good...its like some beautiful snapshot..really good...great job!let me know when the story is completed!  |
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Date: 11/7/2002 6:50:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 52866
Thanks Missy!! |
Date: 9/4/2008 1:09:00 AM
From Authorid: 42945
Good descriptive sentences sweetie....did you end up writing a full story??? :)  |
