" Once upon a time there lived a king , " WOODEN NICKEL

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard.

She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was the object in the prince's pants? They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking? ==================== One afternoon, Bill Clinton was sitting in his office when his telephone rang. "Hello Mr. Clinton," a heavily accented voice says". This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!" Well, Paddy," Bill replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry and the entire dominoes team from the pub. That makes 8!" Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word" "OK," says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Paddy calls back. "Right Mr. Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Bill asks. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm" Once more Bill sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000 mine layers, 10,000 armoured cars and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke" "I'll be dogged!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr Clinton, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've gotten out old Ted's cropsrayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!" Once more Bill sighs and says "I must tell you Paddy that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high manouverability attack planes and my military installations are surrounded by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million." "Oh cripes," says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back" Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Clinton, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war" "I'm very sorry to hear that," says Bill. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "We've all had a chat and t'be sure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners"

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Once upon a time, there was a woman working at a lingerie counter, and a customer came to the counter with a pair of frilly panties and said she'd like to buy them, adding, "but only if you can embroider `If you can read this, you´re too close.´ on the back." So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and described the rather unusual request. The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a stick in the mud, but I can do that. Does she want block letters or script?" Since the saleswoman didn´t know, she went back around to the counter, and asked, "do you want that in block letters or script?" The customer replied, with a smile, "Braille."

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You're not just an age, Or an hourly wage. You're more than your e-mail address.

You're not just some size, Or the shape of your thighs, Or the make of the car you possess.

You're not just your PIN, Or the shade of your skin, Or the place you were born, or the date.

You're not your IQ, Or the width of your shoe, Your zip code, your height, or your weight.

You can't be defined By your zodiac sign, Or the lines in the palm of your hand.

It's not who you know Or the money you owe, Your blood type or cereal brand.

You're much too complex For just race, creed or sex, You're wonderfully multi-dimensional.

You're one-of-a-kind With a fabulous mind And a spirit that's quite unconventional!

That makes you a treasure Which cannot be measured With numbers or checks on a chart.

You're truly tremendous, Amazing, stupendous! Believe it with all of your heart!

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