. Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament?
~ Cain wasn't Abel. ~ King David sat on the throne for forty years. ~ Solomon - neither heaven nor Earth could move him. ~ Moses went up onto the mountain and took two tablets. ~ Noah was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed was water.
================================================== Bible Q & A
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.
=============================================
Men know....that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.
================================================
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, " O my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform
===============================================
While browsing through a magazine, Sol was attracted to a story about chickens.
They have yellow eyes and are being fitted with red contact lenses, which make then eat less, lay more, and stop henpecking.
Sol turns to Goldie and says, "You know, once word of this gets around, rose-colored glasses are going to be the hottest Hanukkah gift this year from husbands to wives."
===============================================
A grandmother and her cute little granddaughter went to the mall. While shopping, they became separated.
Security saw the sobbing little girl and asked her name.
She responded, "Shana-Punam-Kenahorah-Poo-Poo-Poo."
The security person asked the child again for her name.
She said, again, "My name is Shana-Punam-Kenahorah-Poo-Poo-Poo."
So he announced over the PA that he has a cute brown eyed, brown haired little girl who has lost her grandma ---please come to the InformationCenter to claim "Shana-Punam-Kenahorah-Poo-Poo-Poo."
Five grandmas came running to claim her!!!!!
================================================
"Why Hanukkah Is Better Than Christmas"
10. There's no "Kathy Lee Gifford Special"
9. Eight days of presents!
8. No need to clean the chimney.
7. There's no latke-nog.
6. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs.
5. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals.
4. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown."
3. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Dreidl."
2. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
1. Latkes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.
================================================
"Mollie, my Jake and I stopped at a resort last week. The desk clerk told us that every room was taken and the only thing left was the bridal suite. Jake says to the guy. "Look, we've been married for over fifty years. Why do we need the bridal suite?"
So the clerk says to Jake, "If I gave you the ballroom would you have to dance?"
===============================================
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a policeman was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," he answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," he said.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward him, "would you please tie my shoe?"
=====================================================
Pythagorean theorem : 24 Words
The Lord's Prayer : 66 Words
Archimedes' Principle : 67 Words
The 10 Commandments : 179 Words
The Gettysburg Address : 286 Words
The Declaration of Independence : 1,300 Words
The U. S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage : 26,911 Words
(Ahhh...the power of government.)
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  27583 ( Click here )
Spring is coming |
