Dear Santa,
I've been helping you out every year, being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather & drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but IT'S PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm going to call for a nationwide meltdown ( trust me, you won't want to be around to smell it ).
Here's my holiday wish list:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants & a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon & velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on & off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out & MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?! It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man. Maybe GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. What's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him ( & me ) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.
6. A jog-bra to wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor & flight attendant just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!
8. A new, more contemporary persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood & handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie" sporting a nicotine patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years now - I think I deserve it.
Okay Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new girl for next Christmas. It's that simple.
Yours Truly,
Barbie
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  52866 ( Click here )
Spring is coming |
