There's Yet Another USM Committee **Frankenstein

This site sure is changing and I plan on being a part of it. For that reason, I'm starting my own new committee. Those who are elected will be charged with the duties of enforcing strict new guidelines such as: No posts about mishapen rutabagas will be allowed at any time. 'Political correctness' will not be permitted in any post for any reason. If you're two feet tall, you aren't 'vertically challenged'. Face it, you're a danged midget! There's no need to sprinkle pretty words all over it and hope that it goes away. Trust me, it won't. Just accept it and get over it already!

There will be no more guessing games. If you really want to know how many pimples are on your poodle's butt, go and count them. The rest of us don't want or need to be involved. Coke or Pepsi? Who cares what anyone thinks? Just drink what you like and then write something interesting but nothing about that.

The old man next door has been dead for many years now but I can still remember a few of his quirks. Once he started mowing, he just didn't want to stop for any reason. He kept an empty bottle on his picnic table and if he had to, he would go over there and pee in it. He would then go back to mowing and, eventually, he would get thirsty. The same thing always happened. He would set the bottle on the table and forget that he'd peed in it. Well, I'll let you use your imagination from this point on where that's concerned. It was hilarious because it was a weekly occurance in the summer. No matter how many times it happened, it was still funny. You should have seen the look on his face!

Holiday posts will only be allowed in July unless they are about Independence Day. Those can only be posted in January from now on. I don't quite know why but it just seems to make sense in a strange sort of way for some reason. By the way, Santa Claus wears panty hose. That's just a little bit of trivia for you. I thought you might appreciate it. I'm always trying to educate the masses. How do you do? I do fine, thank you. How do you do? While I'm at it, allow me to say Howdy Doody and cockadoodle doo to you.

An old lady stopped me at work yesterday and said, "Where's your bologna?" I replied, "Well, I had lunch a couple of hours ago so I'd say my bologna is probably somewhere in my intestines now." Yeah, I'm a 'customer service specialist'!

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