Paul was a blonde and not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.
So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.
"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."
His instructor said, "What happened?"
Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"
===========================================
It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy staring in at him.
"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," he replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
============================================
On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
==============================================
Paul was a blonde and not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.
So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.
"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."
His instructor said, "What happened?"
Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"
===========================================
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop, Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, And he told me there was something that I had to know; His look and his tone I will always remember, When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November.
"Come about August, now listen to me, Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, "And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin; "And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head; "Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink; "And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing."
Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat, I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat, And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked; I began a new diet of nuts and granola, High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola; And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes, I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes; I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half, And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed; But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath, As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death; And sure enough when Black November rolled around, I was the last turkey left in the entire compound.
So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap; I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap; She held me today, while sewing and humming, And smiled at me and said: "Christmas is coming..
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  27583 ( Click here )
Spring is coming |
Thanx for sharing , 
*Hugz* Take care, 
