The End

Hey. I need some serious help. For the past week and a half, I've been steadily falling deeper and deeper into depression. I have tried to be happy, God knows I've tried to make others feel better, and I cant do it anymore. It starts with the little things. Next week, Im leaving for my dads, leaving all of my friends, even if it is only for a week. I love my dad, but we have had bad experiences in the past, and every time i go to see him, these resurface into my mind. My family is having money problems right around Christmas. My parents are yelling at me, for stupid things, then guilting me for drifting away from them. I want solitude, and i never, ever, get it (even though thats probably one of the main factors keeping me alive right now). My friends, all, are going through bad times, and that grates on me. My dad injured himself, my grandfather lost his job (and he helps to support my family a lot), School is grating on me. Im in a relationship right now, and its grating on me. I'm relatively new to relationships, and have strong insecurities, and its getting to me. I don't want to end this relationship, because i really really like the girl who im going out with, but i know she doesnt feel the same way for me. Then today at school, everything just started building up. People were being stupid, agitating in first hour. People kept touching me, bumping into me, at lunch. People kept making wise cracks, and i had to restrain myself from going insane and just beating the living you know what out of them. Then, after school, my g/f said she didnt want to do anything (no kissing, ect.) for 3 weeks. Now this doesnt bother me, she had very good reasons, but it was kind of a slap in the face. It was like her saying "you make me uncomfortable, and i dont like this relationship". And i dont want her to feel like that. Yet I dont want to lose her either. This kind of sent it all crashing home. Now let me get to the point of all this.

I'm so depressed right now, I dont know what to do. I have to hide it from everyone, be happy for everyone, but what i really want to do is sit on my bed, cry (alone) and kill myself. This is the only thing i can think of. Its eating me away. I want to slit my wrists and end it all. Im losing it, and I have absolutely no one to talk to. And i know my friends will read this post, and get upset over it, but right now, i dont care. I need some help. Please reply, If i havent scared you off, or if you havent left already because of the length.

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