How many rednecks does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? wooden nickel

How many rednecks does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Two. One to mix the dough, and the other to shake the rabbit.

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A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda and surprises her Mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoth ball soup. The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married." "Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?" "He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you." "What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in-law." The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position. The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot. .I said RICH doctor!"

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If you crossed a chicken with a zebra would you get? a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?

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Two elderly ladies were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.

The stop light was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be loosing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another inter-section and the light was red again, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was loosing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have had us killed!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh heck, am I driving...?"

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Women are like computers even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. ( AINT IT THE TRUTH ! )

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GREAT FEMALE COMEBACKS

Man: I know how to 'please a woman'. Woman: Then 'please' leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: I'd go through anything for you. Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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If I had a choice An angel's what I'd be, And everything that happened I'd be there to see,

You'd be right there with me To wrap my wings around, Only you would know I'm there For I would'nt make a sound,

I would see ahead of you To help direct your path, I'd always be there with you You'd never have to ask,

I'd be there protecting you And keeping you from harm, For nothing is too hard for me With my loving arms,

When you have somewhere to go I'll be with you in flight, I'll also be there protecting In the middle of the night,

So if I had a choice An angel's what I'd be, I'd be right there beside you Helping you To see.

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A Blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, and, sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She becomes extremely angry. She opens her purse and pulls out the gun to shoot him, but she's suddenly overcome with grief. She puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend yells "Honey, don't do it." She replies "Shut up, you're next."

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What did the post card say from the blonde? Having a good time. Where am I?

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