Fire Victim Feelings

This is what ran through my mind from the second I decided to go to bed, to the moment I realized the baby and I were gonna be ok.

"Honey, wake up, Come and tuck me in, I am gonna go to bed". I walked slowly up the stairs. Undressed and perfectly comfortable, I knew ......this is my room, this is my bed....this is my house. YES I am safe. Little later, *I smell candles* Bit later, *I smell candles real strong.......ah- they probibly just blew them out, always smells bad* Little later........*Why is is so smoky? Why don't I smell candles, only smoke?* ~Choke, cough~ *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* Oh my god........... No No No Time to get up, gotta see what this is all about.......Grabbed the top blanket off the bed, stood up, wrapped it around me calmly, slowly. Dazed, dizzy and sleepy, I turn on the bedroom light.....smoke. BLACK smoke. I open the door...Immediately, I close the door and panic, still in my room, in my house, by my bed...no longer safe. I see smoke pouring in my room through the door, all sides, bottom and top. BLACK THICK smoke. Oh my God, oh my God. Open the door, go into the pitch black hot hallway.....Can't breathe at all. ~Choke, cough cough cough~ Back into my safe zone......no longer safe. Oh my god, oh my god. "HELP HELP ME!!!!!!!! HELP!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME! I CAN'T GET OUT!" Oh my God. ~Choke cough Choke cough~ Oh my god.... Blanket over my face, nope, still no oxegyn. Keep it here, it may save my life. Door still closed, light on balck, all balck, no more light. It's hot in here. It's getting REALLY HOT in here, oh my god, I am going to die in my room, in my house, by my bed, in my no longer safe zone. I am going to die in here. I am going to die. Blanket over my face, panic all over in my heart, head, body, nerves...Slam open the door, in the hallway, I see fire. I cannot breathe, I get low to the ground, nope, doesn't help at all. I hear a tremendous roaring sound. FIRE! I see it, I am consumed by smoke, I open the next door, I see very little light....I can barely see the stair case, Eyes Stinging, Lungs full of smoke, nausious, nearly passed out, I run down the stairs faster than I ever have before, blanket streaking behind me, I never let go. I couldn't. My body ran all on it's own, I didn't do it. Fear took over already. I gag and choke, cough, black stuff comes out on my hands. I am cold now, Oh my God, how did I get outside? I have no clothes, no shoes...All in my room, my house, my safe place by my bed. Gone, on fire, all of it. I am now in the car, watching flames shoot out the roof, the window and glass bursting from windows. I am shaking uncontrollably, rocking back in forth. I have a shirt, pajama pants, a bathrobe, Shane's boots.......and the blanket.......I never let go. I am shaking, rocking back and forth, oh my God, what did he do? What did he do? What did he do? About a milloin times, over and over. If I were to be in a hospital, I would have been labled clinically insane at that moment. Temporary insanity. I ralize I am ok. I hurt, all over, my lungs and chest the most. In my nose, blac smoke, in my mouth, black smoke, but I am alive. The baby kicks and I am snapped back into reality, baby is ok, I am ok, I made it, I am alive.

I AM ALIVE!!!!

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