Redneck's Valentine's Day Poem that'll touch your heart-
Roses are red, or are they blue? Heck I don't know but i do like you.
I love you more than my truck's tires. Yer more useful than my old rusty pliers.
You cook a good deer and fry a good egg, just wish you'd shave that hair off your legs.
If you decide not to do it, Pumkin Face, It's okay, I'll still feel the same, I'll just keep on tellin my buddies, yer up fer a part in Planet of the Apes.
Yer my pride and joys, What a lady! But hows come we do only when it's my payday?
When I ran over ya with my truck, you didn't even say "ouch." And you are so cute, when you wipe your boogers under the couch.
Happy VD!!!!! ==================
Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings
My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.
I'm here to fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
Lie down with me It's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card from a slim selection, But that's all they offer in witness protection. Love, J. Doe
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Rachel and Lena two blondes were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared" the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Rachel says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from her coffee.
The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast is "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Rachel says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from her coffee.
Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..."and then the power goes out and Rachel doesn't get the rest of the instructions. She turns to Lena and says "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" And Lena replies "Aw, Rachel, just leave the car in the garage today."
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A little prospector wearing clean new shoes walked into a saloon. A big Texan standing at the bar said to his friend, "Watch me make this dude dance."
He walked over to the prospector and said, "You're a foreigner, aren't you? From the East?"
"You might say that," said the prospector, "I'm from Boston and I'm here prospecting for gold."
"Now tell me something," said the Texan,
"Can you dance?"
"Well I'm going to teach you," said the Texan. And with that the Texan took out his gun and started shooting at the prospectors feet.
Hopping, skipping, and jumping the little prospector made it to the door shaking like a leaf.
About an hour later the Texan left the saloon. As soon as he stepped outside the door he heard a click. He looked around and there, four feet from his head was the biggest shotgun he had ever seen.
The little prospector said, "Mr. Texan, have you ever kissed a mule?"
"No," said the quick thinking Texan, "but I've always wanted to."
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