It was one of those days where she wasn't sure what to do. She had her mind off in space and a lot was bothering her lately. She hated herself, her life, who she was becoming, and what had gone on within the past month or so.
She drifted her focus on and off lately. Never able to think of what thing constant. It was as if her mind was a maze where she would never find the end. She hadn't slept in 3 days. All she could do was sit in her room, at her desk, or on her bed thinking.
She cried on and off lately. It wasn't a good thing to see. Her friends worried about her, but they weren't sure what was going on. They'd question her now and then and she would just tell them, "I'm fine guys, everything is fine."
She sat on her bed and wrote: "No one understands, nor do I these feelings I have come across lately. It's a mixture of the greatest joy, but at the same time the greatest pain. I can't explain it. But it's killing me inside. And I can't just move on. I just can't."
After writing she fell asleep. Tears ran down her face as she dreamed of eternal happiness, in which she would never reach. Her soul was tattered and torn, with no where to go.
She woke up with a scream, as if someone was trying to kill her. Then life was ok. She realized what was wrong. And realized she couldn't change it. So she might as well put on a mask till the feelings just disappeared.
The next day she walked up and met her friends for dinner like she always had. She wore a fake smile and spoke in a tone that only she could tell was fake, She ignored the pain she felt inside and continued on with her life.
It was not as if she could do anything at this point. Throughout the night she whiched her "mask". Laughing when she felt she normally would, smiling when seeing people she knew, and everything in between.
As the days went on she got use to her ways. The mask were apart of her. She could feel her pain but no longer notice it when she looked in the mirror. It was like her emotions and her outlook were to totally different things. That no one caught on to.
Slowly over the time of a few weeks her pain distance from her. She felt an almost inner peace. But yet the mask she could not get rid of. They were apart of her now. Apart of her to protect her, they were her guard. So she kept them. She wore them to help her to stay away from getting hurt. To make sure no one would ever bring her such pain again.
Still today she wears her mask. Showing only her true focus on her inside, within her soul she guarded so deeply. Where her happiness, fear, and peace truly lied, and would never be damaged again.
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