1. On the one day a year when you leave your house, you take your remote control with you. You're troubled when it doesn't seem to have any effect at all on people or traffic. You think that your batteries must be dead and plan to buy some more.
2. You talk about characters on your soap operas like they're your best friends. You tell someone, "Chloe told me yesterday that she and Dillon might be getting married. I'm just afraid that her evil sister will come back from the dead and try to kidnap her, take her place and marry him instead, though. I HAVE to warn her!"
3. Your cable goes out and when the repairman gets there, he finds you on the floor having seizures and mumbling something about Oprah. You are a member of her book of the month club and every time you go to the book store, you ask if she's there.
4. When you check out at the grocery store, you tell the cashier as she scans your toilet paper, "Mr. Whipple sent me." You wink at her and expect her to give you some money off just because you 'know' him.
5. You go to a Garth Brooks concert. In between songs, everyone is screaming, "Friends in Low Places," while you're screaming, "Rice-a-Roni: The San Francisco Treat!"
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