1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? *She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.*
3. How does an attorney sleep? *First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.*
4. How many lawyer jokes are there? *Only three. The rest are true stories.*
5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? *How many can you afford?*
6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? *Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.*
7. What did the lawyer name his daughter? *Sue.*
8. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? *Skeet!*
9. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? *Senator.*
10. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? *Your honor.*
11. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? *His partners.*
12. What does a lawyer use for birth control? *His personality.*
13. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? *Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.*
14. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? *The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.*
15. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? *Removable wing tips.*
16. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? *New Jersey got first choice.*
17. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? *Chelsea Clinton.*
18. What do you have when you've got 50 lawyers buried in sand up to their chins? *Not enough sand.*
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