"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do..." (especially when you share the same major!)
PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.
SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.
ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.
THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"
BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!"
PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.
JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."
WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!"
BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.
HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.
GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.
ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway."
ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other can supply.
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. A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
After he was able to speak again the pro finally said, "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup."
"Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner in a disgusted tone.
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God!
Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God."
Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for... THAT'S GOD... He talks to you through the Holy Spirit. Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around for you to talk to... THAT'S GOD... He wants you to talk to Him. Have you ever been thinking about somebody that you haven't seen in a long time and then next thing you know you see them or receive a phone call from them... THAT'S GOD... there is no such thing as "coincidence." Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn't even ask for, like money in the mail, a debt that had mysteriously been cleared,or a coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you wanted, but couldn't afford... THAT'S GOD... He knows the desires of your heart... Have you ever been in a situation and you had no clue how it is going to get better, but now you look back on it... THAT'S GOD... He passes us through tribulation to see a brighter day...
Do you think that this e-mail was accidentally sent to you? Nope! I was thinking of you! pass this along and share the Power of God... In all that we do, we should totally give HIM thanks and our blessings will continue to multiply
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FREE SAMPLES
After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a man fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.
Several weeks later, he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the living room floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.
"Well, what do you think?" his wife asked, smiling.
"Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to Chrysler!"
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The other day, John went to the local Club, and showed the doorman his driver's license and one of the wheels off his car. When the doorman asked what the wheel was for, John said, "The guy on the radio said you were checking ID's and a tire."
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The Professional Test
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a "professional." Scroll down for each answer.
The questions are NOT that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?"
(Wrong Answer)
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. You have to cross a river inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
>
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers.
Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old.
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DOCTOR'S NOTE
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's Dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
And Finally . . . . .
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
These are too funny to be made up!!
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