YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MOTHER WHEN...
Your kids make jokes about farting, burping, pooping, etc. and you think it's funny.
"You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU! "
Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.
=================================
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.
=============================
My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog.
I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper.
I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will.
He said, " Will? What Will?
I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
===================================
As we slide down the banister of life,
may the splinters never point the wrong way.
=============
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom
=================
Did you hear about the blonde who went out and bought herself another radio
because she didn't like the songs being played on her current one.
==================
OK here is a cute Song and Dance for you to check out. Features cartoons of Bush and Powel singing about Saddam. The song will get stuck in your head. Just ask SK8R!!!!
http://parcelfarce.linux.theplanet.co.uk/~jmr/saddam.swf http://parcelfarce.linux.theplanet.co.uk/~jmr/saddam.swf
Have a good one be sure to reply and comment MAKE SURE THERE IS A SQUIGGLE BETWEEN UK/ and jmr/ It didnt show up the first time so I double pasted it and it posted it in my own reply.
You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or
interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click hereScroll all the way down to read replies.Show all stories by Author:  54570 ( Click here )
Spring is coming |
