A group of doctors were at a convention in Switzerland. The topic of discussion was the new medical technology from their countries. 'In my country," a German doctor said, "medicine is so advanced, we can perform heart surgery on a person on Monday, and have him back to work in 2 weeks." "That's nothing," an American doctor said. "We can perform an appendectomy on a person on Tuesday, and have him back in work by Saturday." "That's nothing!" said an Haitian doctor. "We can take an butthead from Port Salut, put him in the National Palace and half the country is out of work the next day!"
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With Viagra being such a great medical success for increasing men's sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.
Here are a few of the new ones:
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
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SIMPLE SIGNS
Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
In a dentist's office: "Patient parking only. All others will be painfully extracted."
In school near clock: "Time will pass; will you?"
On a retail store door in Stevens Point, WI: "PUSH...
If it doesn't open, PULL...If it still doesn't open, WE ARE CLOSED."
In a restaurant window: "Eat now, pay waiter."
On a Plumbers truck : "We repair what your husband fixed."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
Outside a maternity clothes store: We are open laborday
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts
At a New York laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a shop window: We exchange everything, bicycles, washing machines, etc, etc. bring your wife and get the deal of your life.
On a cement truck: Let us fill your crack.
Outside a factory: Closing down, thanks to all our customers
In a Paris hotel: Please your values at the front desk
At a dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here."
Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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