I began going to a new school not long after Jessica and I got close. We finally found a house, although I was opposed to it because it meant we truly were staying in Ohio. The school seemed alright for the most part, a school just like every other. I noticed the diversity was a lot larger than it was in California and Utah. Seeing so many people of African decent was a bit strange to me, but I easily got use to it.
No one took to me quickly. I was again a little tag along, just following people who I'd been dropped on. A girl named Tammy had seemed quite happy to take me along with her to lunch on the first day, but once we were at the table, I was left on my own once again. I sat down near the far end where no one else was, occasionally glancing down the table at the others as they laughed and made jokes.
I found myself more alone than I had been before, watching people from up close, pretending to pay attention to me but running off as soon as they saw the chance. I closed myself up pretty quickly, losing myself in my own thoughts and my own horrors.
But my eyes soon set on someone that sat at the same lunch table as I did. She had long blonde hair that was always kept back in a pony tail. The first time I saw her, I thought she was a guy because that style for guys in California was popular. But I soon realized she was a girl, and hid my face in my school work as I had before. It wasn't until a test came up that I felt compelled to truly talk to someone at my lunch table, seeing that I might need a bit of help.
I turned to the blonde girl, asking if she had health. She said she did and when I mentioned the test, she began to panic. Unfortunately, she had health right after lunch and wasn't able to help reassure me that it would be fairly easy. I sat stunned for a moment as she grabbed my paper, looking over the things we had to study. I managed a small laugh, leaning in to help.
I found out her name was Megan and she was a bit older than I was, but in the same grade. She felt like an outcast as well, but something clicked. I was more than shocked when she asked me to come over for a sleep over. I nodded quietly, nervous about the idea. Sleep overs always made me uneasy when I didn't know the person too well. But I agreed to go, hoping maybe I had actually found a friend in Megan.
But life was falling down too fast for me to pick up the pieces with any help at that time. I had confessed what I had been seeing to Jessica before I left that school, knowing this dimension only as the other world at the time. Of course with Megan, I was too afraid to mention it.
The sleepover went well and we got to know each other well, telling things we hadn't spoken of to many people. I felt at ease with Megan, like she would always listen to me. Our relationship grew stronger, and she became one of the only people I ever hung out with.
My visions became more and more frequent, and I lost myself in a world that could possibly have never been real. I pulled Eli into it, and lost him because of it. But with Megan with me as I began to let her in on my little secret, I began to get into an attitude where I didn't care.
I kept everything a secret from everyone else, never speaking of it to my parents or to my counselors. I soon found cuts on myself, the world becoming closer and closer than ever. I was being attacked by things I couldn't believe existed, but to me they did. I still to this day don't know if I created it all myself.
But Megan stuck by my side, trying to help me in anyway possible. Even with the things I pulled her into, she was by my side. She helped cleaned the wounds that I got, helped cover up for me in school and with other people. She saw my mood swing from happy to angry. I put on a wonderful show for my mom, perfectly content with the fact that I wasn't being thrown into a mental hospital.
I was on Prozac finally, and my counselor dismissed me as perfectly fine with the pills. And I seemed to be doing better. I seemed to be doing just fine, my life looking like it was on track. My grades were doing well, I was an administrator at USM, and I had a friend who was always there.
But things were growing worse by the second. Ninth grade rolled around and I seemed to be doing fine, Megan still by my side. But fights began to come around more than usual. Megan wanted to tell her mom some of the stuff she only said to me, and I fully supported her in her decision. Until I was turned on.
I guess now I see she didn't turn on me, she just panicked. And I would have too had I been in her shoes.
She came in on picture day, her face solemn. As we walked up to get our pictures done,she admitted to me that she didn't believe me anymore about the other world, Paradyne as we had begun to call it. My world shattered around me. A huge fight started, and I finally left the room to go to the counselor's after my picture was taken, a scar on my cheek and my face red and puffy.
They had to call my mom to take me out of school. But the day wouldn't look up from there. How it changed my life:i have that picture from that day since we always buy school photos. It was a friday, the Labor Day weekend of 9th grade, and my life seemed over.
To see the picture, go to this link: http://lilpoetgal.homestead.com/emi.html
UPDATE 2!:
To add to the visual aid of the story, I've decided to show the pictures from my childhood, the early part. THE OLDER ONES ARE NOW THERE. So go check out my childhood...: http://lilpoetgal.homestead.com/childemi.html
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