The Ten Commandments
Two ministers would meet each Sunday morning, riding their bicycles to their respective churches. Then one Sunday, one of the ministers was walking.
"What happened to your bike?" asked the other.
"Can you believe that someone in my congregation stole it?" "NO!" said his fellow minister, then an idea struck him.
"You want to know how to get your bike back? Next Sunday, give a fire & brimstone sermon on the Ten Commandants and when you get to the part about 'Thou Shall Not Steal', just look out into the congregation and see who looks guilty."
Well the next Sunday, the minister comes riding up on his bike.
"Hey--I see my suggestion worked."
"Well sort of. I was going along real good on the Ten Commandments and when I got to the part about Adultery, I remembered where I left my bike!"
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A Prayer for the Working Man
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today As they may be connected to the butt that I have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work... 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wenesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.
And help me to remember... When I'm having a really bad day, And it seems that people are trying to tick me off, That it takes 42 muscles to frown And only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.
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Email from God
One day recently God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good." God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that E-mail said?
No?
I didn't get one either.
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