Date: 7/12/2003 11:52:00 AM
From Authorid: 61901
I believe in spankings. With my children, I would use spanking only as a last resort. They are 13 and 15 now, I cant remember the time last They received a spanking, I guess somewhere around 7 or 8. Now, All I have to do is talk with them,and they listen, not because they fear me spanking them, but because they understand Right from Wrong and know they are respondsible for their own actions.  |
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Date: 7/12/2003 12:14:00 PM
From Authorid: 54247
Growing up they were very effective on me. Only a few altogether as I remember. Did spank my two children - but not often. Actually, there is something about a spanking that sends a message and yet the guilt is gone - you have paid the price, etc. RAT |
Date: 7/12/2003 12:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 53689
You are right, there is a huge difference between spankings and beatings. And spankings are effective if they are used sparingly. I recieved spankings from my mom, but only when I really needed it.  |
Date: 7/12/2003 12:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 30051
I do the same exact thing as you:) Keep up the good work.  |
Date: 7/12/2003 12:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 61996
Yes I spank mine but Im not allowed to spank the foster kids (they dont need it anyway)but I've seen Mary(mine)hit when she doesnt get her way & I feel this is from me spanking her & am exploring other options but she is so hard to reason with (she's 21 mos)With 3 two year olds Im seeing the whole list of 'terrible two tantrums'and get confused on how to deal with their fighting ,biting, Ive been reading the books but they only deal with 1 child & that just says to remove the child from the situation but how does that teach them not to bite?? They dont understand what Im saying(not much anyway)Children are kinda like animals they deal with the situation at hand & 2minutes later they forgot what they were mad about.I dont yell at them & put my finger on the biter's mouth & say "no" & comfort the bitee & hope it will end someday.LOL Problem is now they think their mouth is called NO  |
Date: 7/12/2003 2:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 53013
I don't spank mine, but I am not saying that I am against spankings. I send my children to their rooms and it works. Every child is different if a time out doesn't work well then you can't let the child do as they please, so then I would resort to spanking. I was spanked, not often but it worked.  |
Date: 7/12/2003 4:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
i think spanking is something that should be avoided at all costs if there is another form of punishment use it... spanking usually happens out of frustration i was never spanked as a child.... and i came out fine... but on the flip side my cousin was spanked as a child he actually prefured a spanking over any other form of punishment what works for 1 child doesn't work to another  |
Date: 7/12/2003 4:42:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
exactly my 11 year old has not been spanked in quite some time...my 9 year old maybe a few weeks ago but that was after doing teh same thing over and over even after being punished. My five year old does not get spankings quite as often as he used to but he still gets them. I usually talk the first tiem they do something do it again they get a time out do it again they get a spanking.  |
Date: 7/12/2003 5:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 23075
I have never spanked my daughter or even threatened her that I would...she was always a child that seemed to know right from wrong....all kids are different.....  |
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Date: 7/12/2003 5:17:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
That is good for you Paddington Bear if she doesnt need one then dont use one....some kids respond to that though and some kids defenitely need it. |
Date: 7/12/2003 8:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 41067
no, I don't and I don't like seeing it done either. To me, this is still abusing the child, violence, however it is justified, it still violence.  |
Date: 7/12/2003 9:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 24845
I think they are effective. I think that in SOME CASES that a child that needed to be spanked every now and then will end up in trouble later on. There is nothing wrong with fearing consequences to your actions. I know I was afraid of my mother. I love my mother. There is no better woman in the world, she spanked me. Oh let me tell you she spanked, and I'm glad that she did, no telling how I'd ended up if she hadn't. Now, I'm a mother of two and each child is different, just like the author said, My daughter very rarely gets a spanking. I think I've spanked her all of about 6 times in her life. She's almost 7. My son on the other hand is a little bit more headstrong and needs a firmer hand. Just like the author said, there's a BIG difference between spanking and a beating. I never leave marks. Ever. I get my point across and then leave it. If they don't straighten up the spanking is the last recourse. Most of the time, my daughter reacts better to a good scolding, like "I'm so dissappointed in you." But my son has to push me to the spanking part. Each child is different.  |
Date: 7/13/2003 3:07:00 PM
From Authorid: 27046
Pony Express, talk to your pediatrician about the biting. Even though we all share different pediatricians, when going down the line throughout my family we were all told by our pediatricians that when they bite, to bite them back. Now you aren't being a vicious monster about it of course. You aren't taking a chunk of skin, or leaving any marks. However what it does teach is the realization that it does hurt which your pediatrician should explain to you is the reason that they continue to bite, because they don't understand that what they are doing is causing pain. Both of my children have only ever bitten one time, under the advice of my pediatrician I bit them back and they never did it again. My sister lives over a 1000 miles away from me and went through the same thing with my neice and her pediatrician told her to do the same thing. She didn't like that idea at all and put up with the biting for quite sometime before she gave in and one day bit her back. She never bit anyone else again either.  |
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Date: 7/13/2003 3:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 27046
I used spanking a lot more when they were younger and don't really ever have to physically punish them anymore. I agree that it depends on the child also. My daughter was a monster when she was younger (still is at times) but my son has always been laid back and more relaxed. She always gets into more trouble than he does...LOL |
Date: 7/13/2003 6:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 22080
spanking can be used as a punishment but theres greater alternatives, i havent been beat in my life but allowd to make mistakes and learn from them and i still turned out to be more mature than the status quo of my age  |
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Date: 7/13/2003 6:53:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
Like I said Jestr spankings and beatings are two different things...I dont belive any child should be beat and I dnt use spankings every day but I do use them |
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Date: 7/14/2003 7:18:00 AM
From Authorid: 22080
i meant spankings also, my father nor mother ever raised her hand to me and yet im more disciplined than my cousins who got spankings |
Date: 7/14/2003 8:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 54570
Hey spankings are ok. People have done it since the beginning of time to thier children qand used to the world was a much happier place with children living in fear of a spanking. now they have no fear and we (adults) have to be thankful for the new future of trying to think up punishments for them. I was busted with anything that was in arms reach (stick, belts, hands, tobacco stalk, if it was there it was put to use). I turned out ok. My littlest brother never got spankins but the new reformed "timeouts". Now he thinks the world owes him, is constantly broke, thinks my mother is a piggy bank, wants to borrow everthing I own for his own pleasure and use, has a child now, hasnotheld a steady job...ever. whines and crys when nothing goes his way at all and looks out for his own self... noone else. Me and the middle bother are totally diffrent from that aspect and we know the values of what ever it is that we try to accomplish and do. But yeppers spare the rod and spoil the child.  |
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Date: 7/14/2003 8:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
Joe I totally agree with you(well except I only use my open hand on their butts) But I think stricter parents who were around more would make a huge difference for those kids who act like you say your brother does. |
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Date: 7/14/2003 11:53:00 AM
From Authorid: 22080
joe time outs are a bunch of crap but when your put in a corner at parade rest, you will not do it again, my father used to do that, he would stick us in a corner a foot away from the wall at the positon of parade rest and he would say we'd have to stay there till he said stop, well he always fell asleep, another thing is we were grounded for weeks on end, longest ive been grounded is 3 months, that is some hardcore punishment, id rather get beat |
Date: 7/14/2003 12:43:00 PM
From Authorid: 62222
When I was a kid, my mom spanked us. They never worked for my sister, she would smile and say "is that it?". Then she would smirk and walk away. I would start to cry before my mom hit me, trying to shame her into letting me go. Spankings don't work with some kids, and then some kids never need punishments at all, and then some parents punish their kids too much. The most memorable punishment I ever recieved was for lying to my mother about some unimportant detail that I can't even remember now. My mother hates it when people don't tell the truth. She took almost all my toys away for two months after she found out I lied to her. (I was like 6) I had a bed, a teddy bear and a desk to do my kindergarten work at when I came home. That was it. I could watch TV as long as I watched the news,or the discovery channel . It really sucked. I was the only person in kindergarten who knew what the Regan Administration was up to and the mating habits of the reticulated python. But I remember it to this day and I have never lied to my mother since and I am probably the most honest person I know. (I thought about lying to my mother once after that and had a dream that she sold all my stuff)Spankings never meant as much to us as an actual punishment did. My sister took them in stride and I tried to con my way out. My nephew, he would just get angrier when you spanked him and be even worse. I don't believe in spankings because I have never seen them work, at least not in our family. If it works for others, and in a non abusive manner, no I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it is foolish to continue to spank a child that doesn't realize it is a punishment. Spankings are over quickly, and groundings last and last and last.........<regretfulhalo>  |
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Date: 7/14/2003 12:55:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
Which is why I dont like groundings...children at that age have an atention span of an rock after they do something it is over why drag it out for weeks and weeks when they probably dont even remember what they are being punished for? Timeouts I give them 1 minute for each year they have been alive like 5 years =5 minutes. If I do ground them it is for the rest of teh day maybe a day or two but never for more then two days. I have found with my middle son telling him he will be grounded from his grandma's if he does not straighten up works quite well. I have only had to threaten it never actually do it cause just me saying if you dont cut it out you will not be going to grandma's this weekend he stops almost instantly |
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Date: 7/14/2003 1:21:00 PM
From Authorid: 62222
If groundings don't work, don't use them!! If the kid can't remember why they are being punished, then they think you are just being mean and it loses the value of the punishment. If my nephew gets all worked up about something and needs time to chill out I make him stay inside for a couple of hours. It isn't really punishment, but he thinks so at first. If I can destract him from what he did, and then give him time to think about it he'll tell me the truth of why he did it without realizing it. He's only 10, so we can't play poker but I always punish him with rummy. We play cards for a couple of hours and then I find out what was going on because he lets down his anger and defensive guard. Once we gat past his indignity of gettting yelled at and having to come inside we can get to the rationalizing what he did and why he did it. That isn't going to work with all kids but my nephew doesn't respect you or even listen to you if you are yelling. He just looks into space until you calm down. So rummy works with us, I don't expect you to try it, it is just an example of how different kids are:)<regretfulhalo> |
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Date: 7/14/2003 2:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 22080
im the same way regretful, last time my dad yelled at me i smiled the whole time, i thought i was the coolest thing going back then but hey ive learned since then i.e. juvi hall, but he dont yell at me anymore cause i dont listen to anyone who is yelling, it makes me feel like they are blatantly disrespecting me, regardless, i think with lil kids you can punish them without hitting them, it just takes patience, from my experience of being in juvi and knowing people who have gone, those kids who are hit usually are the ones that end up there, i was the only kid who never got hit when i went, so me saying me going to juvi doesnt help my argument but the reason i went is bunch of bull and anyone who knows me would agree |
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Date: 7/14/2003 2:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 62222
I find yelling redundant when the kid is right in my face considering he's going to get defensive from the start and that doesn't help me get through his natural stubborness. Some kids though don't listen unless you are yelling, and so the method won't work with all kids.<regretfulhalo> |
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Date: 7/14/2003 5:18:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
well jestr like I said each child is different I rarely use that form of punishment but I find it hard to believe that the children who are in JDC are all there because they were spanked...they may have been abused but being abused and being spanked are two totally different things. |
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Date: 7/14/2003 7:15:00 PM
From Authorid: 22080
a small fraction was beat, my point is that its not the style of discipline thats causing kids to go out of control its the lack of parenting, kids today allow the streets to raise their kids, or sit them in front of the tv,radio or ps2 all day, they dont have any form of mental stimulation but "oh dude pikachu just ate monkeypoochu", they need to give them a gift of music, teach them an instrument, have them help on a farm, or fixing a car, maybe even getting a job, stuff that todays society really doesnt do anymore |
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Date: 7/14/2003 8:26:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 53900
Oh yes I can defenitely agree on that...all three of my kids do those things. They are not allowed to park in front of the tv and they certainly are not allowed to run the streets I know where they are at all times of the day and night |
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Date: 7/14/2003 11:06:00 PM
From Authorid: 22080
(i meant to say parents today) but im not questioning your parenting im just saying the majority of parents really need to look at themselves and their parenting habits |
Date: 7/15/2003 9:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 1225
It worked for me! And my sisters kids get swatted on the rear occasionally too. Not hard, just enough to get their attention so they know that you mean business. It should never be more than three swats, though. That's getting a bit to rough.  |
Date: 7/15/2003 1:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 58030
somehow i turned out okay, I was rarely spanked but my parents threatend to a lot i have had maybe 4 spankings, i was a child that would sit in front of the tv watch the giant purple lizard cult leader, and they wouldn't even know i was there, then once i learned to read (pre-school or kindergarten) I just curled up with a book and tv for background noise, timeouts and yelling would work for me, my older sister however, she was beaten as a child (with a belt or a switch w/e) she's 28 now, and as she says that was back in the days when they lived in a trailer on my mothers fathers land, and the days when they didn't have much money, my dad is one of those people that he just has to say "melissa" and you look at him and his face makes you quit instantly, (seriously) my little sister however she's like my older sister to the T wild and unruly, she gets into everything (well mostly my stuff) but my parents just smack her with they're hand or the flyswatter, i've really only seen my dad hit her once with anything other than a flyswatter, for tellin him "no" when he told her to get her little butt down in the yard right now, but my sister and i are in aggreement if he EVER hits one of us with a belt or something, we're calling the law and they will not have kids....  |
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Date: 7/15/2003 1:59:00 PM
From Authorid: 58030
But another thing... i don't like those people that would call the law if they say.. saw you swatted your child 3 times on the rear end, because they were screaming and knocking stuff over and running wild. i know many a person that would turn around "he's got 2 more you wanna take em?" |
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Date: 7/15/2003 2:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 58030
(we grew up in a small town where it used to be mostly farms in va, so people out here don't care, well except for the newbie city slickers that think just because a deer was in they're yard or something that they're "country people" lol that annoys me a lot, if someone started telling me all that believe me they'd get a chewing out. |
Date: 7/15/2003 2:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 51456
first of al ia m 14 and i was spanked as a child..personally i think it was affective but i hated it ...duh.. every child has a different way to communicate...mine was spanking...now its long talks and privilages taken away..and so on.. for my sister it was immediately loss of privilages..and loads of nagging to do things u didn't want..such as chores..cleaning washing dishes...etc...you can't spank children without explaining first or after why it they are getting a spanking becuase otherwise its nt affective or obvious...etc....to sum up... each child is different and has different kinds of communication...and over time the form of discipline changes.. so yea hope i was helpful in some way..
natasa hugz&kissez  |
