A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy for some medication her daughter. When returning to her car to find she had locked her keys inside. She had to get home to her sick daughter, and didn't know what to do.
She called her home to the baby sitter, and was told her daughter was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door." The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground, as if someone else had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this. "She bowed her head and asked God for help.
An old rusty car pulled up, driven by a dirty, greasy, bearded man with a biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "Great God. This is what you sent to help me????" But she was desperate, and thankful. The man got out of his car and asked if he could help. She said "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car? "He said, SURE. "He walked over to the car and in seconds the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, THANK YOU SO MUCH....You are a very nice man." The man replied, "Lady, I ain't a nice man. I just got out of prison for car theft. "The woman hugged the man again and cried out loud..... THANK YOU GOD FOR SENDING ME A PROFESSIONAL!"
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. A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I did not Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
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** A pet can be a wonderful addition to a household, but it's important to choose one that's right for your family. Here are some tips for making a winning choice:
=> Pets eventually grow old and die, causing your children great emotional trauma. Be sure to only choose pets which will outlive them, such as the giant Pacific sea tortoise.
=> Be sure to check for the appropriate number of limbs before you get your new pet home.
=> Pets soiling the rug in your house will only be a problem if they are given food and water.
=> Pets are loving, trusting creatures. Do not treat them with the same cruelty and neglect you do your children.
=> Only choose a pet you are reasonably confident you can defeat in hand-to-hand struggle, in case of food-chain-hierarchy disputes.
=> Pet ownership is a great way to teach children about the entire cycle of life, from the miracle of birth to the inevitability of death. An efficient parent can teach these important lessons in about three hours.
=> Remember, pets need regular food, exercise, love and attention. You probably should not be allowed to own one.
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. A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?"
Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey."
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Thought for the Day: To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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