i love it but i hate it!should i care or i should i change!!ah!!!!!~natasa hugz&kissez

first of alll.... i thought maybi this was the best place to put my story...... i don't know how to explain this to people i don't know..but people that i have told,a few people, they seemed to take the matter very seriously... but then gain its not anywhere near that serious but it is for me becuase i am sensitive and sorta shy... ok well here goes: i would really appreicate help here...thx.. thres thisguy i like ALOT!!! and he likes me too..but he's the player type of guy..he's sensitive and sweet, medium height and incredible build, plays soccer (all the time) hot, and nice and poilte and everything you can imagin nd he has the funniest jokes and the smartest things to say sometimes...and well imy opinion of him has somewhat changed over a night... no...don't thinknlike that i know how this ounds it sounds like we did somwething of course not..but the thing is he kinda tried to......let me draw the picture for you better i am 14!!! he's 15!!!!!i love my parents and wouldn't disobey them, about serious things anyway... and this is one of those serious things...okay here:s what happened: last night we were playing hide and seek..innocent game... a few kids (guys) like 12/13/14/15..and my friend nina(12) and me(14)..we were playing and he's like'natasha meet me bthe stairs , ' i go for it imeet him by the stairs so we can talk...m and he says what did adina tell you.. girl we both know..my friend.....)i said she said stuff and then she said that she like you....adn that you like her... and i am like so do you? and he's like yea...i don't have anything to say to that besides 'thats not the way i go out, its either me or someone else,' i wasn't saying or hinting at anything i was just commenting..right? so..goina go on with my story...while we were still playing hide and seek and i am lie we shoudl go...so we went in this huge bush/tree thing together right.. first i didn't.. but then he's like come on so i am like okay.. and then we go in there and i ekeep goina cause i don't wantna get caught ia m nto stupid i knwo what he wants to do..i am playing dumb..and then he calls me back i come back into the bush and he;s like jsut one kiss please.. and i thought about it for liek a second and i looked at him and once you like into those big blue trusting innocent eyes you just melt..so i did...it was my first kiss...and i felt great..no need for details an dthen we kissed again..but then he's like come in here like close to him in the bush/tree...and i did so he's lke hugging me which was greeat iuntil he's hand started to slide into places i ididn't want it to gol..i told him no.and he's like come one and i am like no please come on..and its so hard to resit when you want to....but i didn't feel iw as ready for him to be touching me and stuff... and he kinda did and i kinda let him for a few minutes but then i turned aorund and hugged him andwe just sat there and i liked the hugging and then i thought w should go out..i got up but he kinda held me and ut ino his lap! which i was resisting kinda dn didn't want to..but i knew him and liek him for like 2/3 yrs and this is kidna what i fdreamt and wanted to all along! and he was soo convincing...butni just hesitated and we went out together..the other people understood that something happened but they didn't know quite what...so yea...everything was ok..and then he's like 'psst,, natasha in a low voice. meet me by the stairs kk? na di was like ok..li was sure what he wanted to do...and i guess i just went becuase i wanted to be with him... and i went thereand he's like u okay? i am like yea... and then he askedme to go behindthe stars..(o yea theres a big gap behind the stiairs underneath...it was lieka little room kinda...) so i looked at him into his eyes and he said no kissing..... just bak there...i assumed he wanted to do something..but i still said okay i don't knwo why...what was wrong with me? and then we went back there and wes at there and he wanted to touch me but i didn't let him...to sum up he did a few thigns that were uncomfortable for me..and he sked me to do things that idid not want to..so i didn't and i said lets just go..and other stuff happened nothing big...but then at the end of the night like maybi 10 15 mis laer he said ok u guys it s late..let go .its over...its ovr..its over...itsover..you know what i mean...and that ws it......and i felt it ..reali deepand i understood what he meant..who wouldn't it was obvious.

it hurt... and wearlier that day hthis guy who i trust, and is my friend and doens't lie or anythiogn but he's kinda bad..but still..he told me that 'admir liekd me and then he didn'tso much. then he did and now whe just wanted to play with me and go..' as in leave me.. ...its over..that hurt soo much..and i don't know what to say my friend was there to comofrt me..but i ont't know why ..i was thinking is he that type of guy..hes a player...and i didn't know he was i loved him or at lest i thought i did.... no not love but i liked him alot for 2 yrs... i don't know what to do,.,.shopuld i change and be easieror should i let a guydo what he wants..or should i stay the way ia m..he stillw ants to be friens its just he lieks my friend..and i duno it hurts.....and i still like him..i didn't know he was liek that..plz help me...people who have been in my situation..or anything.....i would really apprecitae it...thanks..hugz&kissez natasa