= = ="Good Patients vs. Bad Patients"= = = WOODEN NICKEL

"Good Patients vs. Bad Patients"

Six surgeons were sitting around discussing their favorite patients when the first stated that he especially enjoyed operating on poets and artists because...

"When I cut them open, they are filled with beautiful colors and the operating room is bathed in their light . . . "

"No way!" said the second surgeon, "I prefer operating on accountants. Inside everything is neat and orderly and all the parts are numbered."

"Nah," said the third surgeon, "librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"

The fifth intercedes: "Personally, I prefer engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

"You're all wrong," said the sixth surgeon, "The best are lawyers. No guts, no heart, no spine. They only have two parts -- their mouths and their rears, and both of these are interchangeable!"

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MORE! NOT THE BEST PICK-UP LINES

- After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit of my stomach. I thought it was because I missed you, but it turned out to be food poisoning.

- I'm not free Sunday. I'm going to help OJ look for the real killer.

- How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil refinery? The fumes will give you a really cool buzz.

- Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human head. Would you call the cops?

- I was thinking tonight we'd go to a French restaurant. Have you ever been to Jacques En Ze Box?

- I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have my own stirrups.

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Our parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife.

I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE

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