John Boy and Billy: Rev and Goob Spike a Melon

Rev - Good day there. Reverend Earnest Lee Sincere here, just comin' off a big Ministerial conference this weekend, here in town. Had a couple dozen preachers from all over the South-Eastern conference, as we call it. The only problem was I came down with some sort of a 24-hour stomach virus friday afternoon and actually missed the big saturday conclusion. But I'd like to thank my good friend, Reverend Calvin Robinson from the Fire Creek Baptist Temple in Alabama for stepping in as kind of a guest host for me.

So, Calvin called the house saturday night to give me a debriefing on how the conference went. He said "Well, everything went fine except we had a problem with the fresh produce on the buffet." I said "What do you mean?". He said "Well, you know ol' Farmer Johnson? I think he pulled a little trick on us. You know that watermelon he sent for the buffet? It was spiked!". I said "What!?". He said "Yeah, turns out that watermelon he sent over here was plum-full of vodka." I said "Oh no,...what did all the preachers have to say about that?" He said "Well, they didn't say nothing. They were all too busy stuffin' seeds in their pockets."

And speakin' of hard, green and slightly spiked, let's keep it goin' for your headliner. Ladies and gentlemen, here's Goober....

Goob - Hey hey hey, thank ya there Rev. Hey, talkin' bout all green and wrinkled, you know I have been feelin' a little old, and I was talkin' to Rayford, I said to ol' Rayford "Oh I'm gettin' old", he said "naw ya ain't, lemme tell ya what old is", and I said alright, I listen to my elders, and I said so go ahead. Rayford said :

If your friends compliment you on your new aligator shoes and you're barefoot, you might be gettin' old.

If you can remember when the Dead Sea was only Sea, you might be gettin' a little old there.

When it takes longer to rest than to get tired,

When you're cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police,

If gettin' a little action means "I don't need to take any fiber today",

If gettin' lucky means you find your car in the parking lot,

And finally, Rayford says, if an "all-nighter" means not gettin' up to pee.

Oh yeah, alright, nice talkin' to ya, lets get on outta here. We gone, we gone,...