= = = Cat Haikus" = = = WOODEN NICKEL

Cat Haikus"

You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. That will sure show you.

The rule for today Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound Cat vomit hairball somewhere Will find in morning.

Grace personififed. I leap into the window. I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then - Silence, me, a paper bag. What is so funny?

The mighty hunter Returns with gifts of plump birds - Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing. Well, let's see you ignore my Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box. You cannot see me if I Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle. I fought for hours. Come and see! What's a "term paper?"

Small brace carnivores Kill pine cones and mosquitoes Fear vacuum cleaner.

I want to be close To you. Can I fit my head Inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside. Oh, ! Help! I got outside! Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One has been Trapped by newspaper! Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange. Mine lies still in bed, then screams. My claws are not that sharp.

Cats meow out of angst "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! We could break so much!"

The Big Ones snore now Every room is dark and cold Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals I purr to show I love you

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A newcomer to the Ashe County political scene was out canvassing votes. He came to a farm and approached a young man milking a cow.

Just as he was starting to make his pitch for a vote, an old man came out on the back porch and called to the young man, "Luke, come on in the house. Who's that man talking to you?"

"Says he's a republikin politician, Pop", replied Luke.

"Well, in that case", says the old man, "better bring the cow in with you."

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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed the man a citation, and then as he turned to walk back to his cruiser, the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man. "Um, yeah... so," the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"

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A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Michigan recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take’m home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!." The game warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well." "Well, What?" the man responded. "When are you going to call them back?" The game warden prompted. "Call who back?" The man asked "The FISH." "What fish?" The man asked.( Allegedly a "true" story...)

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Life is so pleasant here at the Hillhaben Home. Everyone treats me so nice. I share my little room with another lady, Martha Tyler. We have so much in common. She is 91 and I'm 87. I can't tell you how much your letters and gifts mean to me. Especially the lovely little radio. I just listen to it all the time. Martha has had a little radio for five years but she keeps it turned down so low I can hardly hear it.

I used to ask her to turn it up so I could enjoy it too, but she never would do it. She doesn't mean to be that way, God love her. But, she's so old, and all, bless her heart.

Last Thursday Martha knocked her radio off her little bedside table and it broke into so many pieces that it can't be repaired. Poor soul, I felt so sorry for her. Tonight I listened to the Southern Methodist Hour on my own little set. It was so wonderful hearing all the old hymns again.

Martha, God love her, came over to my bed with tears in her eyes and asked me if I'd turn it up so she could hear it too. Naturally I told her to KISS off, God bless her. Love Grandma

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