Subj: Men's Rules For all the men-bashing e-mails that are shared, I felt it was only fair to share this one from a different perspective. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1.) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1.) Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1.) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1.) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1.) Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1.) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1.) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1.) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1.) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1.) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1.) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1.) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1.) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1.) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a what mauve is.
1.) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1.) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1.) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1.) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1.) You have enough clothes.
1.) You have too many shoes.
1.) I am in shape. Round is a shape
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
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A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn, asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
"It goes 'moo', Miss."
"Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
"It goes 'meow', Miss."
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
"It goes 'baaa', Miss."
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
"Errr... it goes... 'click'!"
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A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident in which a car smashed into a tree. The policeman rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?" "How do I know?" the driver responds. "I'm not a lawyer!"
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A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup. She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?" Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV... The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."
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