The cab dropped me off just inside Windmill Glen’s border. Really, I didn’t have enough money for the cabbie to take me further into town. As soon as I was dropped off, I went straight to the candy shop. My responsibilities for the candy shop had been in the back of my mind, the whole time I was at the hospital. Tess should have been there, and I wanted to see if everything was all right. While, I wouldn’t have done a thing different, concerning going with Allie to the hospital, there was still a part of me that felt careless about the way I handled the situation in the candy shop.
Approaching the Main Street, my stomach sank. It was strange, I had been gone a whole twenty-four hours, yet everything seemed different; everything looked different. I felt like a stranger… out of place. And… maybe I was. A few locals – people that I have known all my life – watched me with piercing eyes; like they had never seen me before. In all actuality, they were looking at me in that way because they knew entirely too much about me, about my private life. And they knew what happened to Allie. News travels fast in a small town… a little too fast for my liking.
Tess was very understanding about what I had done, and she didn’t mind coming in that morning after a long drive from Pennsylvania. In fact, she was quite proud of me for standing up to Maggie May. I knew Tess would react the way she did; that didn’t take away my shame for doing it though. She told me to take some time off; get Allie healthy again, and enjoy the rest of the summer with her.
Walking out of the candy shop, Tess called for me. I turned around, and she said, with a wink, “It’ll be a paid vacation dear… you deserve it.”
I smiled, and left. And I didn’t know it then, but that would be the last time I ever set foot into the Tessie’s Candy Shop.
Next on my to do list was to pay a visit to Sheriff Brackett. Walking to the sheriff’s small office on the corner of Main Street, I past The Road Stop Café… the place Ace, and I had had our first date. It had only been a short time since that happened, but the memory was distant. These were feelings I had never had before. Normally, everything in town – the people… the shops – they all looked too familiar… too memorable. Even after I came back from the ocean, I didn’t feel this way. Why was I feeling this?
Unfortunately, Sheriff Brackett was not in his office. So, I decided to go home.
Instead of taking Main Street to Old Moss Road to Georgetown Road and then onto Cider Road, I decided to take the longer way home. You see the longer way home took me past the graveyard on Cemetery Lane… it was time to pay a visit to grandma.
Windmill Glen’s cemetery always looked very ominous to me. There was no ground’s keeper, and it was hopelessly grown over; straight out of a scary movie. I’m sure the tourist loved the look, I’m sure it was very exciting for them. To me… well, I thought it was a tad disrespectful.
I walked through the cemetery’s gate, and began my walk – through the sticker bushes, and tangle weed – to my grandmother’s grave. Suddenly I stopped. There was a voice. Looking around, I tried to stay as still as I could. Under other circumstances, hearing a voice would be no big deal, yet inside the fences of a graveyard voices sound much more threatening. On the far side of the cemetery’s perimeter I saw Sheriff Brackett’s car. Looking around more, I finally saw whom the voice belonged to. Sheriff Brackett. He was visiting his wife.
There was no way I could’ve made out what he was saying, but I saw his head hanging, and the tears which were flowing from his eyes. Sure, I wanted to talk to him, but it was obvious… now was not the time.
I stayed put, not making a sound, until he left, and then I finally made my way to grandma’s grave. There were no words that came to me as I sat next to her. I now prayed for strength, and… just visited.
Something was wrong with my silence. I mean… here’s the lady who raised me, who kept me alive, who taught me about life. Which allowed me to cope. To cope with the evil’s of my mother. It would’ve been very ill mannered of me not to say anything at all. Moreover, the sinking feeling in my stomach – a feeling that I hated, and a feeling that I wish was not there because it was scaring me – was telling me that this may be the last time I would be able to visit my grandma. Whatever feeling I was having since I entered the town, doubled as I sat there next to her gravestone.
So I opened my mouth to see what would come out. “Hey grandma… I’m not feeling real good about myself right now. You see, I let down Allie… I let her down grandma. It’s something that I swore I would never do… Ever since you past away I told myself that I was going to be just like you in everyway. But grandma… I’m not like you… and that hurts a lot. You never let me down like I let Allie down. And… in a way I feel like I let you down as well as Allie. I feel… I feel that way because you told me never to lose site of what’s important. I let my guard down, grandma. I was feeling really good about myself, for the first time in a long time, and I let my guard down. I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”
I stopped, momentarily to touch the gravestone, and then continued, “You did things for me, which I didn’t understand at first, but understood perfectly after you went to Heaven. I always wondered why you were teaching me how to sew, and how to cook, and how to… well… how to stand up for myself, at such a young age. I guess when you were alive, I never thought about you dieing… but you sure did. You realized that you weren’t going to be around for me, so you taught me how to take care of myself. I realized that after you died. And although I have thanked you in my prayers, I want to thank you again… now… in person… in spirit. I’m not sure if you ever got my thank you’s that came in my prayers, because… for the longest time… I didn’t believe in God… well… I wasn’t sure if I believed or not. But I do now. I have faith… and the reason I have that faith is because… on your deathbed you said, ‘Lord I’m coming’. Why would you have said that… if it weren’t so? Thank you grandma… for all that you have done for me… thank you.” I got up, and walked away.
After my visit with grandma, I walked over to the grave in which Sheriff Brackett was visiting. And I sat with his wife for a time. Not sure of what to say, I just sat there. I had never visited her grave before, and I thought… it was about time for me to pay my respects. Then, out of nowhere, I said, “I’m sorry.” A tear trickled down my cheek. I wiped it off with my thumb.
A few moments later, I got up, and left the graveyard. It was time to go home.
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