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Date: 10/16/2003 4:51:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
2,3,4,5,6,7, ..11 only when we argue...12,15 ..he says if i leave him i will then find out what he meant when he says "No one can have me".  |
Date: 10/16/2003 4:53:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
Diana, there is help out there but you must be strong enough to make that phone call. Nobody deserves to be treated badly.  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 4:55:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
he does not hit me,yet he verbally abuse me...he looks down on me by cursing at me and pulling "past"certain lifestyle my sisters had and see if as if i will turn out just like the way they are....All these is gradually changing slowly for the better not for the worst...He knew i was ready to leave him...Yet for my children's sake..I hate to see them without a father around to help them grow and feel complete..Verbally abused only lies not around them anymore just between me and him...Children are not present..I will hang in there just for the children and act as if everything is fine...I grew up without a father and i dont want my kids to turn out the same way... |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:02:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
Hon, there are worse things than growing up without a father. The kids probably see and feel more than what you think about the way your home life is. I grew up in a personal war zone and it reeked! Staying for the kids sake puts an awful burden on the kids because they end up thinking that Mom would be happier if she didn't have the kid to look after. Only you can make that first step Diana. Life is too short to live in a home without love, honor and hope. |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:05:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
I agree with you Penny...But for now i need to be strong for my children..They need both of us..He is a good father ....At least for now i will abide till it's time..He does not lay his hands on me ..So that part is fine ...Thank you for the post it gives facts for sure..I have always felt something is wrong in thsi marriage...Althought i can't just say he did it all...I may have given him a reason to be jealous..much love <hugs> |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:08:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
I wish you the best Diana and hope that if things get too intense that you will seek a safe have. Nobody deserves to be made to feel dirty or rotten by someone that professes to love them. Hugs. |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
When you mentiones warzone as in it reeks here at home.....We keep our fights away from the kids..I make sure they have no way of hearing it ....Maybe someday i will come to my senses and see how far this marriage goes..But,for now i need to be here for them..Thank you Penny i know you meant well..Much love to you <hugs> |
Date: 10/16/2003 5:14:00 AM
From Authorid: 53054
hey sorry to but in in this conversation! anyways just on one of the comments that Diana has made....your kids (if they are old enough) will know what is going on! sorry but its the truth! most kids can scence that soimething is up and want to help, but dont know how! soryr well that is just my opinion *hugz* and sorry to but in once again! take care!  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:23:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
You are right Lil Leppy in that kids know when things aren't right at home. They can tell be the atmosphere or by the eyes of their parents. Nobody is that good of an actress to fool their kids into thinking everything is fine. |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:30:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
My oldest one is 15 ,second is 14 and 7 yrs is the youngest ..And yes they are aware of it.."Past" i mentioned how much my husband was speaking behind my back.....This happened few years back...relationship goes up and down..Now in marriage i have always believed, that when you made that "Vows for the better or for the worst shall be together"....Now as i standby those words....I need to see what will make these marriaged work..I am a very strong person and i dont take just anything to comeby me..So i am hoping things will changed gradually and i do see changes are coming forth....I'm the type that don't just give up on anyone un-less it gives me a deep anger inside and pushes me out of the picture ..I shall then leave to rest or heal ,but will returned when it's appropriate time..In these marriage my children is my priority in life and i have to find away what will make this family whole..Years past "7 yrs " to be exact this marriage was fine and dandy..Well i want that back and someday that spark will come around..My Hopes maybe high and maybe i am trying to reached a future may never be possible..Yet i will do what i must for my childrens sake...The only reason why i'm here to make their life the best it can ever be...Yes,i'm martyr and stupid say it and see it as it fits..This is what i believed in for now and for how long i will stand by ..God only know's:) |
Date: 10/16/2003 5:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 53961
Wow! These are so true! Thank you for sharing Penny. I'm copying and pasting.  |
Date: 10/16/2003 5:42:00 AM
From Authorid: 46320
Penny, these are wonderful ways to tell if someone is abusing or may be abusive. Thankfully I am confident that Dan is not like any of these. (Well he does like me to wait on him, but what guy doesn't?) Diana, I am sorry you are going through what you are, but Penny is right, there is help out there if you are willing to accept it. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Be Good...  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:45:00 AM
From Authorid: 53961
Diane have you all gone to counseling? If he won't go, go by yourself. I think if you look around you will see that it affects the children more than you realize. - Been there - Done that - Moved out eight times in six years hoping it would get better... Never did. |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:49:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
Thanks for sharing and adding to this Paula and American Girl. That's for sure guys and sometimes even women want to be waited on. I'm one of those types that want to be treated as a queen. lol. |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:49:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
Thank you American Girl ,that will surely helps ..Much love to you<hugs> |
Date: 10/16/2003 5:52:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
Wow this was down right scary. I recognize some of those signs in someone. Alot of them actually but not ALL of them. Fortunately the person in question is trying very hard to fix his problems. The first step in the right direction is realizing there is a problem and so far so good. There are set backs but....This really is a wonderful post Penny.  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:52:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
"We",my husband and i thought of counselling...Both of us are aware what needs to be changed ..We counsil each other and find ways to make things better for all of us..He sees his mistakes and changes are there....thank you paula ... |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:57:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
It is scary when we can recognise some of these signs in someone we know personally. I was stunned when I first saw them, too and think alot of people act like this in a lessor degree. We might even see some of these signs in ourselves. But the willingness to get help and change is what will be the difference as some people think they have no problem and it's everyone else that does. I know of some in real life that I worry about and pray - it's all I can do. That and cry. |
Date: 10/16/2003 6:11:00 AM
From Authorid: 61977
I believe people are capable of change even those giving abuse. I have been there and done that. People need help, some abusers need professional help and grew up in dysfunctional families. I really appreciate this post. It will help many who are in need there Sister Penny.  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 6:11:00 AM
From Authorid: 53961
Diane I know that you are a pretty religious person and I too am dedicated to the Lord. I told a mutual friend once that I had considered divorce, but I knew how the Lord felt about divorce. His reply was to me like an inspired reply, "Yes, but He doesn't want you to be miserable." I left him for the last time shortly after. He never hit me, he hit the wall, slammed doors, ect., but was verbally abusive and when he started taking it out on my kids verbally and physically, that was the last straw. We have one together and she loves him, but doesn't like to go and visit him and new wife because of his and her negative energy - for lack of a better word. I don't know if he has improved or now. I don't see him, but he has been ill with cancer twice, so I think that humbleness may have taken over some. |
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Date: 10/16/2003 6:12:00 AM
From Authorid: 61977
Hi Sister Diana... HUGS. K.I.T Girl. :) |
Date: 10/16/2003 6:12:00 AM
From Authorid: 57579
I hate to say this but I recognize these signs in someone....myself. My mom says that I learned them from my father since he is that way. I've been trying to break them and I'm actually doing good I'm just chilling out and watching things go by. (I'm not physically abusive the only thing close is when me and friends are just playing around) Hey I'm only 15 so I have a while to grow back out of it and I'm making good progress.  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 6:19:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
When,it comes to hitting ..He hit just about every door in this house ..I would say all rooms are out of doors...Few walls has holes i fixed those...I know exactly what you are saying to me Paula...Time will tell when my senses can come together and see where this marriage will make it or not...My husband does not speak abusive verbal language towards our children ..That part i'm not worried about ...Thank you so much for taking you're time ..Much love <hugs> |
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Date: 10/16/2003 6:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
Hey Sis Nealy Missed you <hugs and kisses> |
Date: 10/16/2003 7:13:00 AM
From Authorid: 3648
Thanks for this post Penny. I'm sure a lot of people may benefit from it. I saw a lot of these signs in my father growing up. But as a child you are helpless. It took my mom 11 years to get him out of our home and for that I'm grateful. I feel if he didn't leave for good when he did my mom would have been killed by his hands or he would have ended up killing my brother or me. To this day he still blames others for his actions...he will never own up to it. He also says he only hit me or my mom when we deserved it. No one deserves to be hit by anyone for that matter. I have very little contact with him nowadays. I call maybe once or twice a year. In my heart he's still my father. I have learned to forgive but I'll never forget.....  |
Date: 10/16/2003 8:41:00 AM
From Authorid: 59418
*hugs* Grammy! Great post, i'm sure it will help a lot of people! *bookmarking*  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 5:34:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
I understand how the emotional scars last forever and how sometimes something will trigger a memory and the horror that was witnessed will be fresh again in the mind. If this post helps even on person get free from an abuser, then I will be happy. Take care everyone. |
Date: 10/16/2003 5:52:00 PM
From Authorid: 53909
This is a wonderful Post Penny. I see myself in some of these. LOL. Sometimes I get jealous when my bf talks to some of his female co-workers but I know it's just all work talk. I'm always so parinoid. But that's about it. Nothing too bad I guess. Sometimes he gets jealous of me when I do the same or when I talk to guys on the internet.  |
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Date: 10/16/2003 10:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 53961
When I shared these with some friends they added to them: "Yelling at the partner, for anything." "Blaming them for things that happened in their childhood, or before you even knew them." "Financial abuse, charging the spouse for room and board, (for portions of groceries, house gas, house power, telephone, making them pay their own healthcare, meds., and toiletries.)" "Spiritual abuse: not wanting the partner to go to their church, read or study the scriptures, then blaming the church for everything that went wrong." "There is also a lot of emotional and psychological abuse that nobody ever sees and few people talk about. I feel that is one of the worst kinds of abuse since no one ever sees the scars. They are the hardest to heal from." "What is the difference between someone who is having a bad day and someone who is truly abusive? Here's the key: With the bad-moment person, when you stand up for yourself, let them know you don't like it, and you want to be treated better, they will apologize, explain their problem and they will actually change for your sake. Not only that but they may thank you for reminding them of their duty. They are sincerely sorry they hurt your feelings. They make an honest attempt to change. With the true abuser, your standing up for yourself only makes them dig in even harder. They will try to regain or maintain control by turning the tables on you, making YOU out at the person who is at fault, has bad character, isn't thinking straight, etc. If this ever happens with a person who has wronged you, it is the worse sign imaginable. Run, run, run. This person is a sick-o and will control and manipulate you whenever possible. He will justify his actions and condemn yours. This person will play mind games on you forever. If the person is a spiritual abuser, the person will even quote scriptures and general authorities to "prove" the point. This will leave you feeling confused. Remember, the Lord's house is a house of order. If any opinion other people attribute to Him sounds CONFUSING, doesn't make sense, doesn't feel right, then it is getting twisted. The true gospel is simple, clear, easy to understand, and so is this rule: Any person who can't say they're sorry when they've abused you, believes in abuse. So get out before you get so beaten down you can't run." In my situation I called it Dr. Jekyll vs. Mr. Hyde. We (kids and I) never knew what to expect from one day to the next. We constantly walked on the perverbial egg shells... I struggled with divorce as I knew how the Lord felt about divorce. A mutual friend told me, "Yes, but he doen't want you to be miserable." After that I left for the last time. If and when you should be in a relationship where all or part this rings true, just remember one thing, you are a child of our Father in Heaven and He loves you and does not want you to be unhappy. I have a very dear friend who shared with me recently that the last time she saw her ex-boyfriend was after he had choked her so hard she passed out. The next morning upon him going to the bank a strong voice, which she believes was my son, her 'guardian angel' as she calls him, said, "GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" While on his errand the boyfriend called, still ranting. While trying to decide what to do, again the voice came, "GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" She then immediatly grabbed her purse and her cat and left in her pajamas and drove to her parents house two hours away. This girl is one of the sweetest girls I know and if it had not been for my son's untimely death she could have very well been my daughter-in-law. No one, absolutely no one deserves to be treated like this. Remember, if this is you, get out or call 911 now! |
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Date: 10/17/2003 3:53:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 28946
Thanks so much for adding to this post - we all need to be on the alert and even reach out and let someone know that help is close by, just waing for your call. |
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