A farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. So he buys a new one, and turns him loose in the barnyard. Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he's a little worried about being replaced. He walks up to the new bird. "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff don't you?
Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself." Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," he said". The race begins and all the hens start cheering the old rooster on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little -- but he's still hanging in there. But the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young fella.
By now the farmer has heard the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun and runs into the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the henhouse, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away. "DaRn. That's the third gay rooster I've bought this month." !!!!!!!!!
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My name is Chief Charles Quinn of the Canadian Volunteer Emergency Response/ Western Canada Regional Command, in Surrey, British Columbia.
While driving my customary route home from my duty hours in my personal car, which has a Ham radio capable of receiving our work radio frequency, I stopped at the corner store to pick up some milk and cigarettes. While I was walking to my car after just leaving the store, a blue Chevrolet Cavalier swerved from the street, jump the curb, crossed 85 feet of parking lot and T-Boned the passenger side of my 1990 Eagle Premiere.
I walked over to the driver of the car in order to see if he was all right , and to get the insurance information from him, thinking of just how I was going to let him have it for wrecking my car, when the 6'4" man exited his vehicle, handed me a 1/4 full bottle of Canadian Club Rye Whiskey, and said, "Quick, get rid of this before the cops come, will ya?"
I took the bottle from him, as asked, and watched the look of relief on his face slowly transform into realization, and acceptance, as he finally bothered to look closely at who he was talking to.... I was in full uniform!
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Q: Did you hear about the guy who stayed up all night wondering where the sun went?
A: It finally dawned on him.
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Bob was telling his friend Joe about his vacation in France. Bob talked about how lovely the Eiffel Tower was, the exquisite works of art at the Louvre, the Notre Dame, and of course, the beautiful French women. Joe asked Bob, "Was there anything you didn't like about France?" "Well," Bob replies, "there was one thing that was strange about it. In France, anything you eat, anything you drink, even the air that you breathe over there cleans out your colon. I mean, it REALLY cleans your colon out." So Joe says, "Gee, with France like that, who needs enemas?"
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There were four 80 year old men playing golf. One complained the hills were to high. The second complained the bunkers were too deep. The third said the holes were too wide. The fourth one said 'Shut up! At least we're still on the right side of the grass!'
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