= = = = "Cards You Won't See" = = = = WOODEN NICKEL   Author:  27583  Category:(Humor) Created:(10/27/2003 5:55:00 PM) This post has been Viewed (619 times) "Cards You Won't See" SOME MORE CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK: "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?" "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you." "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?" "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..." "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!" "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again." "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you." "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike! "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise." "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys." "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits." "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here." "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often." "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday - so we're having you put to sleep." "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas & West Va.) ========================== Several years ago, before the "Pope-mobile," the Pope is touring Arkansas, in a very large limousine. As they were driving through the country side, the pope said to his driver "You know, I've always wanted to drive one of these things. How about if I drive for a few miles?" The Chauffeur said "Of course, your holiness, but you had better wear my hat so people won't recognize you. I'll just ride in the back." A few minutes later, the sheriff gets a frantic radio call from one of his deputies. "Sheriff, I think I've MESSED up Big Time," he said. "What's the matter?" said the Sheriff. "I think I've given a ticket to someone VERY important" said the deputy "Oh no, said the sheriff. Not the mayor...Not the Governor" yells the sheriff. "I don't know WHO he is" said the deputy, "but he must be VERY important, the Pope is driving him!" ================= I've learned- that you cannot make someone love you... All you can do, is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned- that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. I've learned- that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction, makes us feel better about ourselves. I've learned- that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours. ===================== A little boy is gone to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying, "But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now." ... The boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?" ===================== What goes clip clop clip clop BANG? < << << <<< ,<< An Amish drive by shooting. ================== You can join Unsolved Mysteries and post your own mysteries or interesting stories for the world to read and respond to Click here Scroll all the way down to read replies. Show all stories by   Author:  27583 ( Click here ) Spring is coming