The prenuptial agreement (this is the way it should be)

I, the undersigned male, do hereby swear on a stack of bibles as tall as the empire state building to uphold my duties as your husband as stated below.

1. I will take out the garbage and not b**** the whole way to the curb and back because I missed a precious few minutes of channel surfing.

2. I will pick up after myslef without being asked several hundred times.

3. I WILL LIFT THE LID!!!

4. I will rub your feet and neck when you come home from work because my job is not as important as yours.

5. I will not leave the milk container in the fridge when there is only a dribble left. Instead,I will take it out and throw it in the garbage and not next to the garbage.

6. I will not pester you for s** and will be more than happy to wait months on end until you are ready, and will not speak of s** until that point.

7. I will walk the dog when he needs to be walked not at half-time when he's doing the "if you don't take me out now I'm going to whiz right here" dance. I realize that if this happens that I will be sleeping in the dog bed and the dog will be sleeping in your bed.

8. I will help clean the house wihtout making a whole bunch of excuses and without whining.

9. I will not whine period.

10. I will never turn the channel away from something you are watching just so I can watch a bunch of sweaty guys in tight pants pummel each other.

11. I will never ask to go out with the guys. If you allow me to I will come home at the designated time. If I do not comply with this rule, I will be responsible for picking up all my clothes that have been thrown into the front yard.

12. I will not leave my beard in the sink after shaving, or I will be plucked of all my hair on my body.

13. I will remember that just because I look and smell like a pig, I am not authorized to eat like or act like one.

14. I will remember that I am a human being not a chimp.

15. I will always do household maintenance before you notice it needs to be done, not after being begged for 2 monhts. 16. I will not come home drunk and expect breakfast to be cooked for me.I will pass out quietly on the couch and not bother you. I promise to uphold my end of the deal and will abide by the above rules. If any section is not being obeyed, my wife has the authority to make me move in with my mother for as long as she sees fit.