I know this is long but it is a journey of my life that means a lot to me :-) It is a tale of my path to faith, and a special thanks for 2 special usmers
I can honestly say I never really was a religous person. I grew up in a Christian family all my life. Though, my parents weren't religous, they would talk about God in today's society every now and then. And I remember going to Sunday School and even church occasionally when I was little. When I was little and up to my pre-teens I was always worried about going to Hell.
Then I was exposed to a new, different religion. Wicca. I was in awe. It seemed like a miracle because it was everything that I've always wanted in life. I found it through a friend of mine who was interested in it for a short time. She had a book of spells she bought as well as tarot cards. And for the period she was into it, I was fascinated by it as well.
But then she changed and is now a dedicated Christian. Knowing I was still interested in Wicca, she gave me her old books and tarot cards for my birthday. I read over the books and practed with my tarot, to only push it aside when my friend wanted me to go to youth group with her. Wanting to try something new, I went with her. I continued to go for a few months once a week. But everytime I went there I felt so out of place. I felt lost in a sea of fog. When everyone would pray to God and talked about his power, I would sit there with my arms crossed, unsure of what to do. I knew I didn't belong there. So I decided to stop going.
My friend understood, but she contiued to go and still does to this day. She is very devoted to her new found faith. I, however, was a lost soul. I continuned to read up every now and then on Wicca online. I went through different "phases" One day I would be looking things up on it and so into for the time that I would decide to devote myself to it and learn all I could. But then it would fade a day later. I would forget about it and say it was too much work and I'd rather just let things happen. This phase continued on for the next 2 years, on and off. One day interested, the next day not so much. But something happened, and to this day I'm not sure what it was.
I woke up one morning and though "This is how I want to live" And even some special USMers encouraged me to go along and I'm sure they don't even know it. Katsho-even though we spoke only a few sentences to each other, she sparked something in me. And Sur5r, by her website. I spents hours reading it's many pages and was in awe the whole time. And so here I am today, wiccan-in-training :-) I know it is something to take seriously.
In the very begining I was attracted by the spells but then as I read more I saw that those more the more unimportant aspect of Wicca, that you could be Wiccan without ever doing spells. It's about respecting nature and everything Mother Earth has done for us and exploring our past and presents to make our future worth the while and to live for yourself down the never ending road of self discovery.
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