"Shhhh!"
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a childs whispered, "Hello?".
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?".
"Yes.", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?", the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.".
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?".
"Yes.", came the answer.
"May I talk with her?".
Again the small voice whispered, "No.".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?", the boss asked the child.
"Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?".
"No, he is busy.", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?", asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?".
" A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!".
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?".
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me!".
==================
Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," Morris replied.
"Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum.
"But it's only $500," Morris insisted.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him."
====================
Two sisters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 12-year-old said to her 8-year-old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"
===================
Love Terms... EYE CONTACT - a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
===================
A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning sevice. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor says.
"Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit on a bale of hay thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay."
==================
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons."
"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?"
=================
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over a great period of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road and that was good enough for us.
NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
=================
Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high-tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes... #1,#2,#3.
"Open one of these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
Morris called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press - and Wall Street - responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize."
This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."
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