Guys lie. Girls lie too, but it doesn't seem like they do it as often. And while it's easy to dismiss dishonesty of any kind as a wrong act, sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that, while not necessarily excusing the deception, at least put it into some context. Remember, though, that there are at least as many reasons that guys lie as there are guys — and like guys, some reasons are good, some not so good. Consider a few of the more common reasons for deception:
1. He didn't want to hurt you
Lying to protect someone's feelings is probably the closest thing to a "good lie" there is, with the exception of lying to protect national security. Guys have been known to modify truths if those truths would hurt someone they care about, and in some cases, the victim of the lie can appreciate it as a kindness. "I will lie to spare her feelings if I can," says Marcus, 29. "In a way I don't even consider it dishonest ... it's a matter of doing something kind versus doing something right. That's a difficult choice."
2. He didn't want to hurt himself
Ah, the classic "the truth would have embarrassed me" argument. Falling into the "nice try" category of excuses, a lie that protects the liar's feelings is a lot worse than one that protects yours. "I can't think of a single reason to lie just to spare my own feelings," says Tony, 38. "I suppose I've done it occasionally, but protecting yourself at the expense of someone else is wrong."
3. He said what he thought you wanted to hear
Men are not the most astute readers of feminine desires, and sometimes they will fib because they believe that you'd rather hear an untruth than something potentially hurtful. "I have occasionally defused a fight by saying something she wants to hear, even if it's untrue," says Bryan, 30. "It's not something I defend, just something that seems right at the time."
4. Some things are best left unsaid
Occasionally men will lie to protect a secret that is either not your business or would cause trouble if revealed, or both. The old "cover-up" comes in two types: a lie to conceal some wrongdoing, like cheating, and a lie to conceal something else, like the fact that he, too, used to be a woman. "Even close couples occasionally have secrets," says Peter, 29. "The fact is, not everything is everyone's business. Some sleeping dogs should be left alone."
5. He's a jerk
Sometimes there is no excuse. Sometimes guys lie, for whatever reason, and there's just no defense. Frustratingly, such men are often adept at concealing themselves, so you must trust your heart and instincts when you sense deception. If a guy is habitually dishonest, he's probably not worth the price of admission.
Cicero once said, "So great is the power of honesty that we esteem it even in an enemy." While lies can spare feelings, offset trouble and protect secrets, the fact is that honesty is an unassailable fortress, even if the truth sometimes hurts. You must take deceptions as you take guys: on a case by case basis. When you've been lied to, trust is in doubt forever, but can also be regained. Use your judgment, and above all, be honest with yourself. How it changed my life:It's an article I read today and I found it interesting.
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